


Deserve Better

by TeaEnthusiast



Category: Game of Thrones (TV), Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, Singing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:16:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9613421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaEnthusiast/pseuds/TeaEnthusiast
Summary: Agnes had given up everything for the ones she loved. First her mother and now her father. But when Kit Harington starts to frequent the gym she goes to. Things get complicated when she develops feelings for him. Will Kit have to be one more thing she gives up, or will true love conquer all?(Story as well as extras for it can be found on my tumblr; http://teaenthusiast65.tumblr.com/)





	1. Chapter 1

The first time I saw him, I was at the gym.

I’d been in Belfast since the start of the year and had been coming to the gym three times a week ever since then.

I’d seen hot guys in the gym before, it was part of the reason I went to the gym in the first place. That and maintaining my fitness. But when Kit Harington walks into your gym, you tend to notice.

He was shorted than I thought he’d be and his hair wasn’t as long or as dark as it appeared on television, but that could have been because he had his hair tied back. He had muscled arms and he was of course incredibly attractive.

I wasn’t ashamed to admit that I was checking him out and that I watched him for a little bit out of the corner of my eye. I even considered going over and talking to him, telling him how much I liked his show but, then I saw it.

Girl after girl in the gym approached him, smiling, batting their eyelids and twirling their hair. They all asked for photos and I could see them flirting with him from a mile away.

I actually found the whole thing quite amusing. It was like watching flies to honey. I kept waiting for him to get annoyed or to refuse a fan, but he never did. I had to hand it to the guy, he was patient, his smile never wavered and he didn’t seem to mind all the attention he was getting. But after watching what seemed like every girl in the gym and even some of the guys go up and talk to him, I decided I didn’t want to bother him.

So I finished up my gym routine and went home, simple as that.

I knew the Game of Thrones crew were in town. It seemed everyone in Belfast knew and it was all they talked about. From my understanding, it was an annually thing, I would have thought the townspeople would have been used to it by now.

Apparently not. Which, when I thought about it was understandable. Game of Thrones was the most popular television in the world. That being said, I was more of a Downton Abbey fan.

But I thought seeing Kit at my gym would be a one-time thing, like seeing Big Foot or a Leprechaun. As it turned out, he was there, nearly every day from what I could gather. He got there before I did and was still there when I left.

I had to hand it to him, he was dedicated and I quite enjoyed watching him lift weights every morning while I was sitting on the bike, pedalling away. But I never approached him for an autograph or picture, a concept my friend James couldn’t understand.

“Someone approaches him every session, and that’s just the time that I’m there! I don’t want to bother the guy.” I said as I swept the floor of the hairdressing salon I worked at.

“He’s on Game of Thrones! He’s got to be used to that kind of stuff by now.” Reasoned James as he sat in the corner sipping on a latte.

“Yeah I know. But I just don’t want to add to that. The guy is there to work out, the same as everyone else.” I reasoned as I swept all of the loose hair into a corner.

“You’re so considerate.” He said, “If it were me, I would be getting a selfie with him every chance I got.”

I rolled my eyes at him as I came over and patted his curly blond head, “You’re looking a little woolly sheep dog, want me to give you a shear?”

“You got time?”

“Yeah. I’m closing up tonight anyway, I don’t mind staying late.” I shrugged.

James smiled a toothy smile, “Remind me to buy you a coffee.” He said as he went and sat down in a chair.

“You know I like Hot Chocolate.” I said as I grabbed a cape and threw it around his shoulders.

“Yes, because you’re a five-year-old. I forgot.” He said rolling his eyes.

I grinned in response, “So you want just shaved sides like last time?”

“Yeah. That would be great.”

I nodded and made to grab the clippers and began to shave up the back of his neck.

“Did you hear that Taylor Swift is dating Calvin Harris?” asked James suddenly, he then proceeded to give me a complete run down on all of the celebrity gossip he had accumulated of late.

I was just beginning to marvel at how he managed to remember and care about so much useless information when my phone rang. Switching the clippers off, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and put it to my ear, “Hello?”

“Hey, Ness, its Danny for Lucky Baldwin’s.” Said a familiar deep voice.

“Hey Danny,” I sighed. I knew exactly why he was calling and I was exhausted by the mere thought.

“He’s here. You gotta come pick him up.” He explained.

“Alright. Sorry.” I apologized, “I’ll be right there.” I promised.

I finished up with give James his hair cut and shutting up the salon as quickly as possible before I jumped in my car and drove to Lucky Baldwin’s.

It was still early in the evening, so the bar was mostly empty except for a for guys over at the pool tables. It was a good thing I was getting their early, before happy hours, I was thankful for that at least.

Going over to the bar, I tapped on it to get Danny’s attention, he looked up from the glass he was cleaning and met my gaze, “Hey Ness,”

“Hey Danny.” I said, smiling awkwardly. There was no use delaying the moment any longer, so I decided to just get it over with, “Where is he?”

“Bathroom.” He said, nodding his head in the direction of the men’s room.

Sighing I walked over there, my heeled boots clacking against the wooden floor suddenly sounded obnoxiously loud. Pushing open the door to the men’s bathroom I was hit with the smell of urine. Wrinkling my nose, I headed inside and poked my head around the corner.

I found him there, on the floor. Passed out.

I huffed in annoyance as I pulled the elastic from my wrist and tied back my red hair so I could get to work. Crouching down I shook his shoulder, “Dad.” I called, “Dad! You gotta wake up dad.”

He mumbled something unintelligible before his eyes slid open lazily, “Hey Nessy.” He mumbled, his beer laden breath swirled in my face.

I grumbled under my breath, I hated being called Nessy. It sounded like the Loch Ness Monster.

“Alright, come on.” I said as I grabbed his arm and draped it over my shoulder. Remembering to lift with my knees and not my back I slowly straightened up, helping him to his feet.

“You want a drink Nessy?” he grinned.

“No, I don’t want a drink.” I said in annoyance as I began to shuffle my feet forward, trying to haul him out of the bathroom, “Come on dad, you gotta move your feet.” I encouraged.

He began to stumble forward but I still bore the brunt of his weight as we moved down the hallway and out into the bar. I was glad there was only the pool players and Danny inside, no matter how many times I did this, it never got any less humiliating.

“Hey Danny,” called my father, attempting to wave at him with the arm I had slung over my shoulder.

“Hey Terry,” he called back.

I gritted my teeth but my father was barely able to keep himself standing and I couldn’t bare his weight on my own for much longer. As if to add insult to what was happening, he stumbled over his own two feet and I was barely able to get him down onto a chair before his weight became too much and I had to let him go.

“Hey!” I called as his head slumped to the side, I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at me, but his eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy. He was passed out.

Placing my hands on my hips I sighed deeply, “Danny, can you give me a hand?” I asked.

“Can’t.” he winced, “I can’t leave the till unattended and I’m the only one on until six.”

I bit my lip, how was I going to get him out of here?

“I can give you a hand,” said a voice.

I looked up to see none other than Kit Harington looking at me, he was holding a pool cue and his hair was out, which was probably why I didn’t recognize him. I did however, recognize him now. Along with Alfie Allen and Iwan Rohan at the pool table.

I was sure the shock showed on my face at him having offered to help me.

On the one hand I did not want the guy I had been perving on for the last month to witness my humiliation. On the other hand, I didn’t want all the happy hour customers to witness my humiliation.

There was no way around it, I needed help. And being humiliated in front of one hot guy was better than being humiliated in front of a lot of people.

“Sure.” I nodded, “That would be great. Thanks.”

He nodded before he walked over to me, I couldn’t help but notice he had a sort of swagger about him.

“You take one side; I’ll take the other.” I said, working to keep my voice even.

After so many weeks of thinking about talking to him, I was now in a situation where he was talking to me.

“Alright.” He said as he leaned down and draped my father’s arm over his shoulders.

I followed suit, “One, two, three.” I said and we lifted together and began to move towards the exit.

“Where are you parked?” he asked, glancing over at me as we walked.

“Just out front.” I huffed. I could not think of a more embarrassing way to meet someone. But instead of focusing on that, I worked on moving my father over to my car, “It’s this one here.” I said as we came to my car.

Grabbing my keys out of my pocket, I clicked the button to unlock my car before I leaned over, still bearing my father’s weight and opened the back door.

“You got it?” I asked him as I slipped to the side so I would not be pinned between my father’s body and the car.

“Yeah.” He said as he lowered my father into the back seat of my car.

Once he was fully inside I shut the door, staring in at his sleeping form for a moment before I turned to Kit, “Thanks.” I breathed, still a little surprised by how things had turned out.

“No problem.” He said dismissively.

We stood awkwardly for a moment in silence before I remembered myself, “I’m Ness,” I said, offering him my hand.

“Nice to meet you.” He said as he shook my hand.

“I ah, already know your name.” I said awkwardly.

He nodded in understanding, “I think we go to the same gym don’t we?” he asked, pointing a familiar finger at me.

“Yeah, we do.” I nodded as I hooked my thumbs through my belt loops.

I wanted to stay and talk to him but the situation was so awkward I had no idea what to say. I’d gone over this moment so many times in my head, fantasizing about what we would say to one another if I ever approached him or he ever approached me. Now that it was happening, I had no idea what to say.

“Does this happen a lot?” he asked, gesturing to my father’s unconscious form.

“Sadly yes.” I said, elongating my ‘s’ sound as I tried to think of something to say.

“Just a typical Friday night.” He joked.

“Actually my Friday night’s mostly consist of watching Disney movies in my onesie.” I commented.  

The moment I said it, I regretted it. I turned to him, my face already red with embarrassment but he was smiling, seeming to find my statement amusing.  

There was another awkward silence and I couldn’t take it any longer, I had no idea what to do or say, so I decided to get out of there.

“Well thanks again.” I said, far louder than I intended.

“Your welcome.” He said with a polite nod of his head.

With that I went down to the driver’s side of my car and climbed in. Starting the car up, I turned and watched him head back into the bar. If I was to tell my father when he woke up that Jon Snow himself had helped me carry his drunk ass out to my car, he would never believe me. I could hardly believe it myself.

I briefly wondered if I was ever going to be able to watch Game of Thrones again without thinking about what had just happened; probably not.

Sighing wistfully, I started up the car and headed home, my father still sleeping peacefully on the back seat.

…

The next morning, I didn’t expect anything different to occur at the gym. And for the first half of the morning it seemed as if things were the same, I was on the exercise bike and Kit was doing weights, same as usual.

But then, when I was down at the rowing machine, Kit came over and jumped on the machine next to me.

“Hey.” He greeted.

“Hey.” I greeted, trying not to sound too delighted.

“How’s your dad holding up?” he asked.

“He wears his hang over like perfume.” I said simply. It wasn’t that big of a deal that he had remembered me from last night, not that big a deal at all…

“I envy people who can do that.” He said as he began rowing on the machine next to me, “I’m always really grouchy after a night of heavy drinking.”

“Hang overs will do that to you.” I commented, trying to keep the conversation light as I exercised, desperately hoping that he couldn’t smell me sweating from where I was.

“I noticed your tattoo before.” He said, nodding towards my hand as he rowed.

As if I could suddenly not remember that there was something permanently etched on the back of my hand, I looked down to see a familiar pair of black scissors between my thumb and forefinger on the back of my hand.

“Are you a seamstress or something?” he asked conversationally.

“No, just really into arts and crafts.” I joked and he smiled, “No, I’m actually a hair dresser, I work in a salon.”

“A hairdresser? That’s interesting.” He said.

“Not really. The most exciting thing that happens on my job is someone comes in with lice.” I said dryly.

At that he actually laughed.

“So you’re from Australia?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Thought I recognized your accent.” He said as he rowed, “How long you been in Belfast?”

“Just since the start of the year.” I told him.

“That explains why you’re not familiar.” He said.

I frowned, I wasn’t familiar? Did that mean he had noticed me and recognized me as unfamiliar? He had noticed me?

I didn’t see how that was likely. I’d never approached him like the other girls in the gym, why would I have stood out him at all?

“So how come your coming to the gym?” he asked. He seemed to be really trying to keep the conversation going.

“Same as everyone I guess. To keep fit.” I said simply.

“Really? Most girls are in here to lose weight.” He commented.

“Not me.” I said as I gritted my teeth, pulling against the rowing machine as my arms began to ache, “I love food too much to bother trying to be skinny.” I said as I continued to row, “I mean, who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?” I said turning to him with a grin.

He grinned back, “Very true.” 

For some reason I was glad he agreed with me. I liked the fact that he wasn’t one of those guys who preferred girls to be stick thin, because I certainly wasn’t that. I had a few curves and I happened to love them.

Not that I really cared about what he found attractive in a girl. Because I didn’t.

“Why do you come to the gym?” I asked, turning the question back around on him.

“Because I’m narcissistic and want to look good.” He replied.

“At least your honest.” I quipped.

The two of us chuckled together.

“No, I need to keep fit for my job.” He explained.

“Yes, playing Dungeons and Dragons for a living must require a lot of energy.” I joked.

“Coming from someone who probably has a hair fetish.” He quipped.

“Oh please, you play make believe for a living.” I teased.

“You play with hair!”

We both laughed.

I only let a moment pass before my curiosity got the better of me, “What made you go into acting?” I asked.

“Well, my parents will tell you it’s because I always had a flare for the dramatic and that I love attention, but really I just love telling stories.” He explained.

“You never thought of being something else? Like maybe a writer?” I asked.

“Yeah. I considered being a journalist actually. But acting was a lot more fun.” He explained.

I nodded, digesting the information.

“Why so curious? You a reporter?” he asked.

“No.” I grinned, “It’s just such a hard industry to get into, I wonder why anyone takes the risk.”

We rowed for a few moments in silence and I began to wonder if I was being too nosy with my questions. I was just beginning to form an apology in my head when he spoke again.

“And you?” he asked suddenly.

I turned to look at him curiously, “What about me?”

“What made you want to be a hairdresser?” he asked.

“Well, nothing as interesting as you.” I began, as I focused on rowing for a second, “I needed a job after university and I kind of fell into it.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah. I like it well enough.” I shrugged, “Why? Do you like acting?”

“It has its moments.” He grinned.

I grinned back.

That’s when I felt it, a pair of eyes, several actually, watching me. Looking up I saw several of the girls in the gym were sneaking not so coveted glances at us. Particularly at me.

I didn’t understand their jealousy; I wasn’t the first girl in the gym Kit had talked to was I? I’d seen him talking to girls all the time. Why was I suddenly getting the evil eye from everyone?

He was just talking to me because of what happened last night. It wasn’t like this was going to become a regular thing.


	2. Chapter 2

It did become a regular thing.

Every morning the moment I was on the floor, Kit would wave or nod in my direction and I would wave or nod back.

Then I would go about my routine and by the time I got to the rowing machine I would only row maybe one-hundred meters before he would come and join me and the two of us would chat while we rowed.

It was an odd habit but I kept count of the number of times he smiled at me. Some mornings I would only get two, other mornings I would get as many as ten. After two weeks, I averaged out to be about six.

“So hey, I got to ask you something.” Said Kit when we were rowing one morning.

“Yes, the carpets match the drapes.” I replied dully as I continued to row.

I was rewarded with an amused grin.

“No, ah next week we start shooting an episode of Thrones, lots of extras.” He explained, “I’m sure the hair and make-up people could use an extra pair of hands. You interested?” he asked.

I blinked in shock, “Really?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

“I love the way your saying that as if you haven’t just offered me one of the greatest jobs in the world.” I grinned.

“One of?” he questioned.

“Definitely top five.” I assured him.

“What’s number one?”

“Fitting David Beckham for his underwear commercials.”

He let loose a short bark of laughter.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t give up your job in a heartbeat to say, be the guy who does up Miranda Kerr’s bras?” I challenged.

“Nah,” he said shaking his head, “Not my type.”

“Oh he has a type?” I proclaimed, “Let me get a pen, I could sell that information.” I grinned.

“You don’t have a type?” he questioned.

I pursed my lips in thought, did I have a type?

“I don’t think so. It’s more of a personality than looks.” I eventually decided on.

“Oh I see, and what does this dream guys personality have to be?” he asked.

“When I figure that out. I will let you know.” I told him.

…

Being a hair dresser on Game of Thrones wasn’t as simple as it sounded.

First of all, there was a lot of paper work to fill out. I had to give them all my previous work details and qualifications as well as emergency contact information, for which James volunteered for.

“If you get a broken nail or anything, just call and I will come, pick you, maybe perv on Iwan Rheon…” he said, trailing off suggestively.

“Iwan Rheon? Seriously? He’s pale and creepy.” I dismissed.

“He’s just my type!”

“And straight, as far as I know.”

“There’s always a catch!” he winced.

I simply laughed.

All of that paper work I could understand, it was the ‘Do Not Disclose’ forms and legal documents that had my head in a spin.

“I’m just doing hair right? Why do I have to sign all this stuff?” I asked curiously.

“Let me put it to you this way, you are about to be privileged to knowledge that the whole world is waiting for.” Said James seriously.

I frowned in confusion, “Which is?”

“Whether or not Jon Snow is alive!” he practically shouted.

I had just enough time to roll my eyes when a familiar grumbling sounded from the lounge room.

“Would you keep it down?” complained my father as he stumbled into the kitchen.

“Sorry Mr. Jones.” Said James.

He waved him off as he opened the fridge, staring into it for a moment before he slammed the door shut, “Where’s the bourbon?” he demanded.

I shifted uncomfortably, “You finished it.”

“Fine.” He sighed, “Give me some money,”

“What for?” I asked as I grabbed my mug and stared up at him.

“For milk and cookies. What do you think?” he demanded.

I rang my tongue along my teeth in reluctance as I tried to think of a way to handle what was happening. I knew I was about get an influx in cash but I was the sole breadwinner for our house. Even though James lived with us and chipped in for bills and food, we did not have a lot of money. I was loathed to be giving him money when I knew he was just going to drink it.

James must have sensed the tension because he quickly mumbled something about heading to work before he excused himself. The front door slammed shut moments later.

Now that we were alone, I turned to look at him, “You can’t hang out until tonight? Go down town for six dollar pitchers?” I asked.

I had long since given up trying to get my father sober. I had paid for rehab two times and it had never stuck. Now I just tried to curb his drinking habits so that he no longer got passed out drunk or m

“I need something now.” He snapped.

I bristled against his tone, “I’ve noticed you’ve been putting bourbon in your coffee in the mornings.” I stated.

“So?” he sniped.

“So your drinking more and more.” I stated.

“Don’t start.” He said as he turned away from me and reached into his pocket, pulling out a bottle of pills. I watched as he popped four into his hand and swallowed them.

Booze was one thing, but pills were another.

“You’re doing drugs now?” I demanded, standing up in outrage.

“Lay off Nessy.” He practically groaned.

“Don’t Nessy me,” I snapped, “It’s not enough your destroying your liver, you want to fry your brain too?”

“You don’t understand what I go through!” he yelled turning around to walk out of the room.

“No, I don’t. So for the thousandth time why don’t you talk to me?” I yelled back, stepping in front of him so he couldn’t leave.

We’d had this fight a thousand times and every time it got worse.

“Because you wouldn’t understand!” he yelled, his face mere inches from mine.

“What? What wouldn’t I understand?” I screamed back.

He didn’t answer me, he just refused to look me in the eye.

“I won’t understand why you go out drinking every day? I won’t understand why your ruining your health? I won’t understand why your ruining your life? Why you push everyone away? Why you push me away?” I demanded as I stepped in front of him, “Why wouldn’t I understand that!”

“Get out of my way!” he yelled.

“No dad! No, I’m not gonna get out of your way. I’m not going to sit by and let you become a junkie as well as an alcoholic-” I began but I was cut off when he grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me aside.

I slammed into the table, knocking it to the side as he stormed out of the room and I was left with nothing but silence.

I didn’t realize it until them, but I must have started crying at some point during the argument because my cheeks were suddenly wet and I was shaking. I put my hand over my mouth to keep the sob that racked through my body from making a sound.

I was crying from frustration and I was shaking in fear. It wasn’t the first time it had happened and it wouldn’t be the last.

…

“Your main job will be continuity.” Said Shae, the woman I had been introduced to a mere thirty minutes ago as she walked me through what felt like a sea of tents, “They film things over and over again and it needs to look the same every time.”

“Alright.” I said, nodding in understanding.

“You brought all your own equipment?” she asked.

“Yep.” I said, gesturing to my duffle bag that was hanging on my hip, the strap digging into my shoulder from the weight. It had been a long time since I carried around my hair dressing bag.

“Good. Keep your stuff on you at all times. You’re going to be doing a lot of portable work.” She explained.

“Ok.” I said.

“Keep your tag on you at all times. We get some people trying to sneak on to set, you don’t have your tag they’ll assume you’re a crazy fan and kick your ass right off of set.” She said as we made our way through the tents.

It was funny that she kept calling it a ‘set’ because to me, it just looked like a field.

“Shae, pics!” called a woman in a headset, she didn’t even stop as she walked past, handing Shae a stack of pictures.

“Excellent, ok.” She said as she flicked through the stack of pages before she handed me a few, I looked down to see a picture of the familiar character of Davos Seaworth. Otherwise known as the Onion Knight. I felt bad that I couldn’t remember his name.

“So these are continuity shots. Basically you have to make sure that they look like they do in this picture all day.” She told me.

“Ok.”

She nodded and then lead me over to a series of fold out chairs that I could see were occupied by people in costume.

“Alright, so you’re going to be with Liam all day.” She told me.

Liam! That was right, Liam Cunningham! That was the name of the actor who played Davos.

“I’ll be with Hivju if you need anything.” She said.

“Who?” I asked.

But she didn’t wait for me to answer as she quickly walked over to the red headed man that I recognized as the actor who played Ygritte’s father. What was his character’s name? What was his name? This was terrible! I was working on a television show and I could barely remember anyone’s names.

Sighing I headed over to Liam, who was sitting in a chair, in costume, drinking a cup of coffee.

“Hi, I’m Ness. I’ll be doing your hair today.” I said, offering him my hand.

“Nice to meet you Ness.” He said as he shook my hand, “Haven’t seen you about. Are you new?” he asked.

“Yes.” I revealed as I opened my bag and pulled out a number two comb. His beard had gotten a little messy and I wanted to make sure I kept it was kept looking smooth like it was in the pictures.

“Ah, now I remember. You’re Kit’s friend.” He stated.

Was I Kit’s friend? I didn’t want to make that leap or assumption about my interactions with Kit. But if I was comfortable if someone else was saying.

“Yeah that’s me.” I told him as I leaned forward and began to comb out his beard, “He actually recommended me for the job.” I explained.

“Ah yes. Kit’s good like that.” He said.

“Talking about me?” interrupted a voice.

I turned to see Kit, decked out in a completely different Jon Snow outfit, complete with his hair tied back and sword.

“Hey.” I smiled.

He smiled back and pulled me into an awkward side hug, awkward because I had to be careful to avoid his fake sword.

“I felt my ears burning. Thought I better come over and see what you guys were talking about.” He said in a way of explanation.

“I was just telling Ness about your nickname L.C.” said Liam simply.

Kit’s face went blank with shock.

I decided to play along, “Yeah, what did you say it stood for again?” I asked turning to Liam.

“Ok!” said Kit loudly, “Liam I think they need us.” He said seriously.

“Well we better go then.” He said, heaving himself out of the chair. He sent me a quick wink before he and Kit headed over to the part of the field that I understood was the ‘set’ because that was what all the cameras were facing.

For most of the morning I stood watching Kit standing in front of a bunch of extras, he would stare out into the distance all intensely before he would suddenly go and climb on a horse and gallop off into the distance. I had no idea what the context of anything that was happening except that Jon Snow was apparently alive and wearing a different outfit.

Eventually everyone broke for lunch.

When they said ‘lunch is catered for’ I thought there would be a few sandwiches or something. There was a full buffet of dishes to choose from and apparently we could eat as much as we liked!

I grabbed and plate and lined up along with everyone else. I decided to try some of the ‘Beef and Black Bean’ stir fry with special fried rice. I thought that would do me, but then I spotted the assortment of cakes and pastries. I grabbed a piece of chocolate cake and a cinnamon scroll.

There were a bunch of tables under the tent and as far as I could tell, there didn’t seem to be any seating chart. I did try and look for someone familiar though, maybe Shae or Liam, who I had been joking with all morning.

I hadn’t been standing there very long when Kit suddenly came up next to me, holding his own plate, “Want to come and sit outside? It’s a lovely day.” He said.

“Sure.” I smiled.

He smiled back and I followed him outside.

Even though we knew each other before today, there seemed to be a sort of reverence associated with the actors on set and I didn’t want to make any assumptions about approaching Kit with any familiarity.

“How you enjoying your first day?” he asked as he showed me over to a few fold out chairs that were lined up against the big white tent that was serving lunch.

“Pretty good.” I said as I sat down and placed my lunch in my lap, turning to look at Kit who sat down in the chair next to me, “It’s a lot of standing around though. I’m standing around behind camera, bunch of extras are just standing there in front of the camera…”

He smiled in amusement.

“I’m not used to that. I’m always running around in the salon.” I explained.

“What did you think of my expert riding skills?” he asked.

“I thought it was interesting. I’d never seen a real live horse before today.” I told him as I spooned a mouthful of rice into my mouth.

“What, never?” he asked in astonishment.

I shook my head, “Nope. I’ve always been a city girl.”

“I’ll have to take you over and introduce you to one of the horses.” He offered.

I blanched, “Not on your life!”

“Why not?” he grinned.

“Horses and myself work well together when we maintain a cool, wary distance from each other.” I explained.

“Why are you afraid?”

“Absolutely.”

“Why?”

“Have you seen their teeth? They have human teeth! It freaks me out.”

He laughed.

We sat chatting throughout lunch like we did when we were at the gym and I noticed, as we sat talking, that a few people walking past us would shoot us curious looks and I began to grow self-conscious. Had my instincts been right before? Did the actors generally not socialize with the hired help?

“Is this not a normal thing?” I asked curiously.

“Is what not a normal thing?”

“Actors socializing with the help.”

“No, no. We all socialize together, there’s no hierarchy here.” He explained, “It’s me.”

“What about you?”

“Well, I’m actually quite shy. I don’t really talk to people unless I’m asking for a cigarette lighter.” He explained.

“How can you be a celebrity if your shy?” I questioned.

“With extreme discomfort.” He said pointedly.

I laughed, “Well, shall we light up then to make everyone else more comfortable?”

“Yes. I need a nicotine hit.” He said eagerly.

Reaching into my duffle bag that I had placed on the ground by my chair, I pulled out my cigarette’s and lighter. I offered Kit the packet and he grabbed a smoke. I put one between my lips and cupped my hands around the end of it so I could light it with my lighter before I breathed in and leaned over, and offered the lighter to Kit.

Placing the cigarette between his lips, he leaned over and cupped his hands over my lighter, the skin of his hands touching mine as I flicked the lighter on. For that split second we were so close that I could smell his unique scent of cigarette smoke and hair gel, before he moved away and sat in his seat once more.

“Thanks.” He said as he exhaled a plume of smoke.

“Your welcome.” I said as I threw my lighter and cigarette packet back in my bag, “I wouldn’t have picked you for a smoker.” I said conversationally.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re in the gym so much. I thought you would be one of those body health freaks.” I explained.

“I’m more of a social smoker.” He explained, “I really should quit. It’s not good for me. But I’m addicted now.”

I nodded, “That’s understandable.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Why do you smoke?”

“Stress.” I replied immediately, “And it’s a form of silent acceptance of my fate.”

“That was cryptic.” He commented.

“I’m on a film set, I’m trying to be dramatic to fit in.” I quipped.

He laughed at that.

We sat chatting and smoking when Shae approached, “Agnes! Need your help with some of the extras.” She said.

I nodded in understanding, “Be right there.”

“Agnes?” questioned Kit as I leaned down into my bag and grabbed my two mint tins.

“It’s a family name.” I explained, as I straightened up. Opening my red mint tin, I placed my cigarette butt inside and close the lid before I shook it, effectively putting the butt out, “Technically I am Agnes the seventh.” I told him seriously.

“Agnes. I like that better than Ness.” He said simply.

I shrugged, “No one calls me Agnes.” I said as I popped open the lid of my green mint tin that actually held breath mints, “But you can.” I said as I offered him a mint.

I don’t know why, but I liked the idea of Kit calling me Agnes. The only other person to ever call me Agnes was my mother and I liked the thought of him calling me that because it gave us a strange sense of familiarity and intimacy.

“Well I honoured.” He grinned as he took a mint, “Thanks.”

“For the mint or the unique privilege of calling me by a generations old name?” I asked as I slipped off the chair and heaved my bag off the ground, placing the strap over my shoulder. 

“Both.” He grinned, looking me directly in the eye as he did.

I couldn’t help but smile back, feeling oddly chuffed and flustered by the way he was looking at me, “Your welcome.” I said before I turned on my heel and headed off.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the week I was on set, tending to Liam’s hair.

Like when we were at the gym, Kit would come and see me in the morning, say ‘hello’ before he went off and filmed stuff, it was mostly fighting now with horses and stuff. 

Every day lunch was catered for and every day Kit would sit with me, sometimes outside, sometimes inside the tents, depending on the weather. And every day we would have a cigarette together and just talk.

On the start of my second week, I was tending to Liam like always in the morning when Kit approached, “Morning.”

“Good Morn- Ah!” I said, jumping back in surprise when I looked at him.

He simply smiled. Or at least I thought he smiled, his teeth were the only white thing on his face. The rest of it was covered in thick, dark red paste that looked like blood.

“Bit of a sight isn’t it?” he grinned.

“What happened, did you cut yourself shaving this morning?” I joked, once I had recovered from the shock of seeing his face.

“Totally.” He joked as he took a sip from his coffee, which already had a dark red ring around the drinking hole from Kit’s painted lips, “It keeps getting in my mouth.” He complained.

“I don’t mind the taste of fake blood.” Said Liam conversationally.

“What does it taste like?” I asked curiously.

“Kind of like chocolate.” He said.

I laughed.

Watching Kit on set that day was quite impressive. The way he was fighting, moving through the battle as if it were all some kind of dance was pretty cool I had to admit. Way more impressive than the fighting before which I had barely been able to see because I was so far away from the actual action.

By the time lunch was called he looked exhausted, he was breathing heavily when he approached me, “You ok?” I asked, mildly concerned that he was about to keel over in exhaustion.

He nodded, still breathing heavily.

“You want some water?” I asked.

He nodded.

I went over to one of the tables that had a case of water bottles and grabbed one for him. Handing it to him, I stayed silent as I watched him. I felt like I was in the presence of someone truly great. I’d been so blown away by everything he had done this morning that I couldn’t help but be impressed.

He gulped at the water gratefully, finally seeming to get his breath back, “Man, I got to quit smoking.” He eventually said.

 I laughed, “Come on. Let’s go get some lunch.”

…

The next two weeks was like the first day. Every morning Kit would come and frighten me with his bloody face. He would then spend the rest of the day impressing me with his fighting prowess.

Even though I knew it was choreographed and all fake, I couldn’t help but wince every time he got hit. There was even a sequence where Kit was practically buried alive by all the extras. He was even given a safe word ‘banana’ encase it all became too much for him but he never said it.

It was stupid of me because deep down I knew he would be fine and I knew that no one would let anything bad happen to him. But it all looked so real that several times I had to turn away because I just didn’t like it. I did not like seeing him hurt.

The depth of my concern for him surprised me. We were friends, a term I was still uncomfortable using, so it was natural that I should not like seeing him hurt. But it was the ferocity of that concern that was not normal. I knew I should not care as much as I did, and yet, I couldn’t help it.

We still had lunch together and we still had our smoke break together but something changed. I caught myself looking at him more than I should have and I could feel a problem brewing inside of me. But I was powerless to stop it.

…

Eventually it was my last day on set, a fact that did not escape Kit’s attention.

“So are you going to go out tonight?” he asked as we sat at a table eating lunch together, “Celebrate finishing off working on Thrones? Spend some of your hard eared cash?”

“No, I’ll probably just spend the night at home.” I said honestly.

“Why so boring?” he queried.

“I’m a boring kind of person.” I shrugged.

“Come on, when was the last time you went out and had fun?” he asked.

“I have fun! I jump around my house in a giraffe onesie! When was the last time you had that sort of fun?” I challenged.

“When I was six.” He said flatly.

I laughed.

“Seriously though, when was the last time you went out on the town? Had a night with friends?” he asked.

“Well, I still don’t know many people in town. My roommate James works nights so we don’t go out a lot. And the girls at the salon have kids so,” I shrugged in way of explanation. There was no need to elaborate on the real reason why I didn’t go out, because I spent most nights looking after my drunk father.

“Ok, what are you doing on Saturday?” he demanded.

“Going to the gym.”

“Yes I know, after that?”

“Nothing. I’m free.”

“Right. You and I are meeting up for a day of fun.” He declared.

“We are?” I asked, delighted by the prospect.

“Yes.” He said firmly, “I think we’ve both earned it after the last month, don’t you?”

I simply nodded. I actually felt like the last month I had been taking it relatively easy while working on the Game of Thrones set, compared to working in the salon. But I wasn’t about to turn down spending a day of fun with Kit, who had been working quite hard.

“Sounds great.” I smiled.

…

“So are you going to tell me what we’re doing later?” I asked as I sat rowing at the gym.

“No. It’s a surprise.” He said firmly, “But you have to wear pants.” He added.

“Wear pants? Why?” I asked, frowning in confusion.

“You’ll see.” He smiled.

A horrible thought suddenly occurred to me, “If you are taking me horse riding I’m not going!”

My fear of horses had been a source of great amusement for Kit. When there had been horses on set he had tried to get me to go and pat one and I resolutely refused.

“No, I’m not taking you horse riding.” He assured me.

“Good.” I smiled.

It was sad to say that it had been a long time since I’d really taken a day to just have fun. I was always working or worrying about my father. But I’d taken precautions today to make sure that he wouldn’t be a problem today.

I’d taken his wallet and left him with a bottle of bourbon at home so he could sit at home and get drunk. With his wallet gone, he couldn’t go anywhere and if he had alcohol, he had no need to go anywhere. I wouldn’t have to worry about picking him up from somewhere or him hurting himself if he was at home.

Bourbon; a babysitter sitter for the average alcoholic.

…

“So he won’t tell you where you’re going?” asked James as he lounged on my bed.

“No.” I said happily as I rummaged through my draws looking for a top to go with my jeans.

“Exciting. Try this one.” He said as he tossed me a shirt I’d left on my bed.

I caught the white and black garment and held it up, it was a white shirt with thick black stripes on it in a square pattern, would this work?

“It’s not too dressy but it will still look nice.” He advised.

I nodded. If there was one thing I trusted James’s opinion on, it was fashion.

“Hair up or down?” I asked as I pulled the shirt on.

“Up.”

Throwing my head forward I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail.

“So,” he began, seeming to choose his words carefully, “Is this an outing between friends or…” he trailed off.

“Of course it is. What else would it be?” I asked as I straightened up, though something still felt wrong about the word ‘friend’.

“I don’t know. It could be a date.” He said simply.

“Oh please.” I dismissed, “Guys like Kit don’t date girls like me.”

“What kind of girls do guys like Kit date?”

“Silly little stick figures that are good in the sack.” I said pointedly.

“You could give him a little more credit than that.” He advised.

I shrugged, “Just stating the facts. Celebrities date people that either look like a celebrity or they are. Which I clearly don’t.” I explained, “Which I’m fine with.”

“So it’s not a date?” he asked as I went over to my dresser.

“No.” I said firmly as I grabbed my bottle of perfume and sprayed it on to my neck.

“Yet your wearing perfume.” He stated.

“So?”

“You were worrying about what you were going to wear?”

“What’s your point?”

“Those are very date-like things to do.”

“Its not a date!” I said firmly, though whether I was trying to convince him of that or myself, it was hard to tell.

…

“Dundonald International Ice Bowl.” I read, reading the sign above the large building in front of us.

“Yep.” Said Kit, smiling happily.

“We’re going ice skating?”

“Not just ice skating, there’s bowling and rock climbing as well.” He told me.

“Sweet!” I said happily as we headed inside.

“What do you want to do first?”

“Ah, ice skating?”

“Alright.”

We went inside, I got a quick look at the prices and grabbed out my wallet, “Don’t worry, I’ll pay.” Said Kit.

“No it’s ok, I can pay for myself.” I told him.

“I insist.”

There was no arguing with him, so I compromised, “I’ll buy lunch then.” I said, spying the little café over in the corner.

“Deal.”

Going over to the booth that held the ice skates, we told the attendant our sizes. He then proceeded to stare at Kit as if he couldn’t quite believe he was real.

“Ok, this feels unsafe.” I said as I stepped out onto the ice, clinging to the wall for support. The ice looked so smooth that I was surprised by how slippery it was.

“Come on, it’s just like wearing high heels.” Said Kit as he stepped out onto the ice and took a few experimental steps.

“Have you ever done that before?” I asked, an amused smile coming to my face despite the fact that I was still clinging to the wall fearfully.

“Worn high heels or gone ice skating?”

“Both.”

“No.”

“Ok,” I said as I attempted to straighten up, “The only reason I am letting go of this wall is because I fully expect you to fall on your ass at some point.” I warned as Kit offered me his hand.

“I’ll try not to disappoint.” He promised.

I didn’t take his hand because I wanted to hold it, I took it because I needed something for balance or I was going to topple over. That was the only reason. No other reason. It was just for stability, nothing else.

“I think the best way is to try and glide.” He advised as he kept a tight hold of my hand, “Try and make little half circles.”

I followed his advice and the two of us actually began to make our way around the rink and I began to gain a little confidence which made me think I could let go of Kit’s hand. I took to experimental glides forward and smiled, “This isn’t so bad.” I told him.

Then it happened, my skate went out from under me and I crashed down onto the ice. I looked up to see Kit standing over me, laughing. I couldn’t have that, so I smacked the side of his skate with my foot and he came toppling down on the ice next to me.

The two of us sat there for several minutes just laughing at one another.

Eventually we got up and continued around the rink.

“Excuse me?” asked a girl as she approached us.

I knew exactly what she wanted before she even asked, but Kit still managed to somehow look pleasantly surprised.

“Can I get a picture?” she asked.

“Of course you can.” Kit smiled.

Her answering smile nearly split her face in half.

“Do you want me to take it?” I offered.

“Yes please.” She smiled.

Taking her phone, I pointed at her and snapped the picture. She then said thank you and was on her way, but she posed an interesting question to me, “Does that ever bother you?” I asked.

“What, people asking for photo’s?” he asked as we began skating again.

“Yeah.”

“Not really.” He shrugged, “When they ask its fine, it’s when they take pictures of me when I’m not looking that piss me off.”

“What good is a picture if the subject isn’t looking at the camera?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” He smiled, “Hey, question.”

“What?”

“How come you never asked me for a picture at the gym? Seems like you’re the only one who didn’t.” he stated.

“Oh,” I said, taken aback by the question, “Well I think it was because everyone was asking you for pictures. I didn’t want to bother you. I mean, your just there to work out, same as anyone else.” I explained.

“You could have. I wouldn’t have mind. I never mind when pretty girls come up and talk to me.” He said.

I ignored his comment, despite the excited thrill it sent through me.

“Aw, your life is so hard.” I cooed.

He grinned.

After a few more rounds of the rink, both of us were a little tired, so we decided that it was a good time to visit the ‘Alaska Sports Diner’ for lunch.

We both ordered burgers with chips to share.

“So, where’s your dad today?” he asked conversationally as we sat down to eat.

“At home with a bottle of bourbon.” I replied, “It’s what he always does.”

“You don’t mind that he’s just drinks all day?” he asked.

“Of course I mind. But there’s nothing I can do about it. He won’t talk to me. He doesn’t talk to anyone.” I shrugged.

“Talk about what?”

I should have realized what I said would invite more conversation about him instead of dismissing the topic. I chewed a chip slowly as I debated how much to tell him. Even though I had only known Kit for just over two months, I trusted him. I felt close to him. We talked so much I felt… close to him. Which was a strange thing for me to admit because I didn’t let people in too easily.

But I wanted to let him in.

“He was in the army.” I eventually said, staring down at my burger.

“Really?” he asked.

I nodded, “For sixteen years.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. He’s seen some horrible things but his last tour about a year ago is what’s sent him into this tail spin.” I revealed.  

“What happened?”

I hesitated again.

“If you don’t want to talk about it-” he began.

“No, it’s not that.” I said as I tried to think through what I was trying to say, “I don’t open up to people easily.” I said reluctantly.

“Agnes,” he said, forcing me to look at him, “You can trust me.”

I looked at him for the longest time, searching his face for something. Some sign that he was anything but genuine, anything but a concerned friend.

“He doesn’t talk about it but people have told me what happened.” I began as I tried put into words what I knew, “He sent a squadron of people into a building and it blew up. They got trapped inside and the rest of the squad wanted to go in there and get them out, but my dad said no. He couldn’t risk sending them in there and having them getting crushed by the rubble or another bomb going off. So they had to sit there and listen to the rest of their squad dying and calling out for help, not able to do anything.” I explained.

Kit reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently.

I hadn’t mean to say so much but once I started talking, the words just came tumbling out and I couldn’t stop them.

“He hasn’t been able to live with himself since.” I said, “he won’t talk to me about it. He won’t talk to anyone. So I’m over here, just trying to stop him from killing himself. I know I can’t stop him from drinking unless he wants to, but I’m all he’s got left and I need to be here for him.”

“So you packed up your whole life in Australia and moved to a foreign country to look after your dad?” he asked, his voice coloured in disbelief.

“Pretty much.”

“Wow.”

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted your sympathy, or your admiration for that matter.” I said seriously.

“You may not want it but you have it. Your amazing.” He said, I didn’t even look up from my burger, but he squeezed my hand and forced me to look at him, “Seriously.” He said firmly.

I smiled at him sadly. I may not have wanted it, but knowing someone like Kit admired me was a nice feeling all the same, “Thanks Kit.”

We locked eyes for a moment as the heaviness of the situation closed in around us. I couldn’t take the tension or the depth of the affection in the way Kit was looking at me. So I pulled my hand from his and grabbed my burger, “So what do you want to do after this?” I asked, quickly changing the subject, “Rock climbing? Bowling?”

“I’m too exhausted to do rock climbing. Shall we try bowling?”

“Oh yeah. Bowling could be fun.” I said lightly as I could manage.

We finished lunch and headed over to the bowling alley.

“Have you ever bowled before?” he asked.

“A little.” I lied.

“I’ll go first. Show you how it’s done.” He said as he grabbed a ball from the rack.

“Ok.” I agreed.

He then proceeded to bowl a spare and I got a nice look at his backside as he bent down.

“Nice.” I commented before I grabbed a ball and threw it down the alley, hitting the pins just off centre and scoring a perfect strike.

“Nice.” Said Kit, clapping as I walked back to him.

“Beginners luck,” I shrugged.

Kit stepped forward and bowled again, knocking down five of the pins the first time, and three of the pins the next time.

I bowled again, another strike.

Kit bowled again, another spare.

I bowled again, another strike.

Kit bowled again, knocking down seven pins.

I bowled a spare.

Kit knocked down six pins.

I bowled a strike.

“Ok, what the hell?” he demanded.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“You’ve practically bowled a perfect game so far.” He commented.

“Maybe I’m just lucky?” I grinned as I grabbed a ball.

“Lucky?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t buy it. He bowled another eight and I decided to show off a little and threw the ball from behind, keeping my back to the pins. I didn’t even need to look so see that I had bowled a strike.

“No way!” said Kit, staring in disbelief.

I went and sat down, grinning smugly.

He turned to look at me, his mouth agape, “How?” he asked.

I smiled as I held up my hand, “You see this ring?”

He leaned forward and squinted, “three-hundred?” he read.

“Yep.” I said, “Know what it means?”

“You like Gerard Butler movies?”

“Means I’ve bowled a perfect game.”

He blinked in shock, “No!” he said in disbelief.

I shrugged.

“Oh god, I’m going to get mascaraed aren’t I?” he asked.

I simply smiled, “Yeah.”

I bowled two-hundred and fifty to Kit’s modest one-hundred and eighty-nine. But if he was upset about it, he didn’t let on.

“Thank you for today.” I told Kit as we put back our bowling shoes, “This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled.

“How about next week I take you out to dinner?”

“Sounds great.”

And just like that, I had plans to hang out with him again.  


	4. Chapter 4

2 Taps was a Spanish themed restaurant that had red carpets, red walls and dark wood tables and chairs. It was very open in its Spanish theme in the design of the restaurant and the little flourishes that were dotted all around the dining area. It had a vast menu with more than forty different styled dishes and they were all entrée sized meals so that the diners could try three different meals in one sitting.

I was wearing my black denim jeans with a long sleeved, off the shoulder, white top with black roses on it. As well as my ever trust worth black boots.  

James had pleaded for me to wear my one and only dress but I resolutely refused. I only wore that dress on special occasions, like weddings and dates. This was not a date. 

“This is nice. Very romantic.” Commented Kit as we sat down.

I ignored his comment, “The food is great!” I said eagerly as I plucked the menu from the centre of the table eagerly.

“You come here often?” he asked.

“Every chance I get. I love this place. I’m trying to make my way through the entire menu.” I explained as I browsed the menu, mentally ticking off the dishes I had already tried.

“Who do you come here with?” he asked lightly.

“Mostly my roommate James.” I said.

“He your boyfriend?”

I glanced up at him over the top of my menu. Though he had spoken lightly enough, I was trying to see what his intention was behind asking the question… but he wasn’t even looking at me. He was frowning at the menu.

“Well, James would rather be your boyfriend than mine.” I told him, watching his reaction carefully.

He jutted out his bottom lip and nodded, not taking his eyes off the menu.

I turned my attention back to the menu as I pondered what had just happened.

“I generally choose three different dishes.” I told him.

“Alright.” He agreed as he looked around the restaurant, spotting another table that had already been served.

I guessed he was having a look at the serving sizes.

“I know girls who would only eat one of these.” He said.

“Well, I’m not like most girls. I like my food.” I said simply as a waitress came over to us.

“Hey, what can I get you- oh my god!” she said as she spotted Kit, “Hi!”

“Hi.” He smiled.

“What, ah, what can I get you?” she said.

“I’m still looking. Agnes?” he said, looking up at me.

I decided I would have the Empanada Vegetariana which was sweet potato, goats cheese and carmelised red onion wrapped in filo pastry with tahini yoghurt. The Boquerones Fritos which was whitebait in a light batter served with a lemon wedge and aioli. And the Stuffed Tomatoes which was tomatoes stuffed with couscous, onion, peppers and mixed herbs served with rocket.

“Nice.” Said Kit, approving of my selection.

He chose the Tortilla Espanola which was spanish omlete with spinach, mushroom and onion. The Paella de Carne meat paella of chicken and chorizo in spicy tomato and saffron rice. As well as Albondigas Picantes which was spicy pork meatballs with a tomato and almond sauce.

“Great.” Said the waitress, smiling at Kit, “Do you want a piece of cake for dessert? It’s on the house.”

“Sure.” Smiled Kit before he turned to me, “You want to share a piece of cake?”

“Hell no!” I said, “I want my own piece of cake thank you very much.”

He laughed, “Can we get two pieces of cake?” he asked looking up at the waitress with a charming smile.

“Sure.” She smiled before she turned to look at me with a curious smile.

I smiled back and she turned on her heel and left.

“Why is that?” asked Kit.

I turned to look at him in confusion, “Why what?”

“I guess not why, more like a how.” He clarified.

“How?”

“How are you so ok with yourself? What are you, twenty-five?”

“Twenty-four.”

“Most twenty-four-year old’s, girls in particular, are insecure about who they are and what they look like. I was a mess of insecurities at twenty-four. Hell I’m still insecure and I’m twenty-eight. Why not you?” he asked simply.

“Why do we always talk about me?” I asked curiously.

“Because your interesting.” He smiled, “I’m interested in you.”

My stomach clenched at his words. If we were dating, I would have been thrilled to hear those words. But we were not dating. And he didn’t mean them the way they sounded.

“Ok, if I’m going to get all deep and meaningful then you have to as well.” I said seriously.

“What do you mean deep and meaningful?” he asked.

“Well, what’s wrong with you.” I supplied, “What horrors have you seen in life?”

“Horrors?” he asked.

“Come on, nobody is perfect. Not even you pretty boy. So what’s wrong with you? What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you?” I asked.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was being a little callous, but I had already revealed so much to him. I wanted a little something in return.

He opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him, “After dinner.” I told him. 

He nodded in agreement.

We ate dinner and enjoyed our meal, but after that, it was time to get down to the ‘nitty gritty’.

“I’ve had my heart broken. A couple of times. I’m not the kind of guy who gets into things half way. When I give my heart, I give my whole heart. Kind of makes it hard to salvage when things go wrong.” He said, his voice growing hard.

“What was the worse one?” I asked curiously. 

“What do you mean?”

“You said you’d had your heart broken a couple of times. What was the worst one?” I asked.

He was silent for moment, seeming deep in thought. I briefly wondered if I shouldn’t have asked and if he was actually going to answer the question when he spoke.

“Probably the last one. I don’t know if it’s because it’s still fresh or if it’s because it’s been happening for the longest.” He explained.

I was prepared to leave it at that as I took a sip of my drink. But to my surprise, he continued to talk.

“I met her when I was still getting over someone else. And she just, made everything better. Like, life was worth living again.” He explained.

“Falling in love will do that.” I commented.

“Yeah. It was on and it was great. Then it was off and it was terrible.” He said, “So when it was back on, it was great. It was the best thing in the world.”

“Then it was off again.” I guessed.

“Each time she broke up with me, it got worse.” He explained.

I was silent as I listened to him.

“She was using me. Everyone could see it. They told me and I didn’t listen. I let her break my heart over and over again because…” he trailed off.

“Because you loved her.” I finished.

He nodded, “Eventually I saw it. I saw that she was only using me for my fame.”

“So you ended it.” I summarized.

“No. I stuck with her.”

I blinked in shock, “What?”

He nodded gravely, “Pretty messed up right?”

“Why?” I demanded, suddenly angry, “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Because I thought I couldn’t do any better. I thought she was the best that a guy like me could ever do.” He said simply.

“That’s crap Kit!” I burst out angrily, “You stayed with a girl, who treated you like shit because you thought you didn’t deserve any better? That’s crap and you know it.”

He stared at me in shock.

“You deserve all the love in the world. Don’t ever think you deserve anything less.” I said firmly.

He held my gaze for the longest time, staring at me with an indescribable expression before he finally nodded, as if accepting my statement.

“It doesn’t stop you from loving does it?” I asked, the question bubbling to my lips before I could stop myself, “Having your heart broken I mean.”

“No.” he said, seeming sad, “I mean, you’d think I’d learnt my lesson by now but, I never do.”

I nodded in understanding, “That’s good.”

He looked over at me with a frown, “Good?”

“I admire people like you. People that have been burned by love and still be open to it. That takes more strength than you realize.” I said seriously.

He nodded, “Thanks.”

“Shall we get that cake now?” I asked, anxious to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, let’s get that cake.” He agreed.

We signalled the waitress and then two big pieces of dark chocolate cake, complete with whip cream were slid in front of us.

“Oh my god, yum!” I said, grabbing my spoon and immediately digging in.

“Alright. Now it’s your turn.” Said Kit.

“My turn for what?” I asked through a mouthful of cake.

“Tell me about the horrors of your life.” He said.

“Having an alcoholic father isn’t enough for you?” I asked.

“I feel like there’s more to you than that.”

He was right. But I was loathed to admit it. But we had a deal and I needed to hold up my end of the bargain.

“If you must know, my mother was anorexic.” I told him, “I’d just finished university when she got sick. I couldn’t afford to do what I wanted to do, so I moved back home and took the first job that came along, which was hair dressing. I looked after her, I was there for her. But she wasted away before my eyes.” I explained, “I watched her get thinner and thinner and she refused to eat. She hated herself so much that she let herself die.”

I stared down at my half eaten piece of cake. Talking about these things, it brought back all the emotions and made everything feel raw once more, like I was experiencing it all over again.

“I promised myself that I would never be like that. That I was going to love myself and my body no matter what.” I said firmly before I looked up at him, his brown gaze staring at me with far too much intensity. I sniffed back the tears I could feel building and smiled sadly, “So I’m going to eat as much chocolate cake as I want.” I told him before I spooned a big mouthful of cake into my mouth.

“You know what?” said Kit, leaning forward and scooping up a big spoonful of cake, “So am I.” he said as he spooned the cake into his mouth.

I smiled, suddenly feeling good, despite the horrible things we were talking about.

“To chocolate cake.” I said, raising my spoon to him.

“To chocolate cake.” He agreed as he tapped his spoon against mine and we both dug into our desserts.

It was strange, the relationship I had with Kit now, was completely different to the one I had when we first came into the restaurant. The relationship we had now was deeper. We’d revealed things to each other that left us both exposed and vulnerable, yet that defencelessness had been embraced and accepted.

I felt like the two of us were not only closer, but bound together somehow. And despite my better instincts, I liked that. I liked that intimacy between us. Though I knew it could only lead to trouble.

…

“Hey what are you doing on the twelfth?” asked Kit as we sat rowing in the gym one morning.

“The twelfth of September… that’s this Saturday right?”

“Yeah.”

“Working during the day. But I should be free that night. Why?”

“It’s Alfie’s birthday. We’re going out that night and I thought you might like to come.” He said lightly.

“Alfie who?” I asked in confusion, “Allen? The guy who plays Theon?”

“The very one.”

“How old is he turning?”

“Twenty-nine. We’re gonna go out clubbing. You should come.” He encouraged.

That sounded like fun, but I wasn’t sure how legitimate the invitation was. Surely if it was Alfie’s birthday, he should have been the one who invited me?

“Are you sure? I mean, won’t it be you and the Game of Thrones gang? Do you really want some outsider joining you?” I asked as we rowed.

“You’re not an outsider. You worked on the show. Besides, the guys want to meet you.” He assured me.

“Have you been talking about me?” I asked lightly, fully expecting him to say ‘no’. 

“Yes.” He said simply, “If you want to know what I’ve been saying you’ll come on Saturday.” He bargained, turning to look at me cheekily.

I grinned back at him, impressed by his gumption.

“Fine.” I sighed, “There’s just one problem.”

“What?”

“If my roommate finds out I went clubbing with the Game of Thrones crew without him, I’ll never hear the end of it. Can he come too?” I asked.

This time, I was almost certain he would say no. I was perfectly comfortable going clubbing without James, but I knew if he found out that I had gone out with Kit and the rest of the Game of Thrones gang without him, I’d never hear the end of it. Plus, it would be nice to have James as backup as I was going to be the odd one out, no matter what Kit said.

“If he buys Alfie a drink, he’ll be welcome.” Said Kit simply.

Well that was that then. I was going out with the Game of Thrones gang that Saturday, there was no questions about it.

…

James could barely form a coherent sentence when I told him, he was so excited.

“Oh my god, what will I wear? What will you wear?” he demanded.

I rolled my eyes, of course that was what he would think about; clothes.

“You have nothing to go clubbing in.” he announced.

“Sure I do! I used to go clubbing all the time in Melbourne.” I defended.

“Yes but we’re going clubbing with celebrities! You need to look extra hot and so do I.” he reasoned.

That conversation ended with the two of us going shopping. Nothing particularly caught my eye except a pair of over the knee, heeled boots. James took that as leeway to plan the rest of my outfit.

“What size are you ten?” he asked.

“Twelve.” I corrected.

“I’m thinking a skirt with those boots.” He said as we browsed a clothing rack.

“A skirt? You’ll see like two inches of thigh, what’s the point?” I asked.

“Because that two inches of thigh will be hot!” he assured me.

I rolled my eyes, “Who am I looking hot for?”

“The lucky son of a bitch your gonna take home and do naughty things to.” He replied.

At that I laughed, but for some reason, I felt uncomfortable at the idea of taking some guy home in front of Kit. Maybe I was just getting too mature for the random hook-ups anymore, “I think my days of taking random men home are over.” I told him.

“Oh please! When was the last time you had sex?” he asked.

I let loose a long breath, fluffing my lips as I did, “Since before I moved over here.”

“That’s nine months! You could have had a baby in that time!” he burst out, “Tomorrow night you are hooking up with someone!”

“James,” I began reluctantly.

“No buts! You deserve to have a night of fun! You’re always working or looking after your dad and I’ve decided that you need to take a guy home, do naughty things with him that make your toes curl. After that, you can go back to your boring life of hairdressing and care giver.” He said pointedly.

I huffed in annoyance. There was no deterring James once he was on a mission. The clothing was one thing, but finding me someone to hook-up with? That was something else.

“Can we make this quick? I have therapy in an hour.” I said pointedly.

“Ah yes, your therapy. Originally meant for you and your father, but now you just go alone.” He commented.

“Thank you, captain obvious.” I quipped.

“Seriously,” began James as he began to scan the clothes rack, “Why do you go? You just sit there. You don’t say anything.” He commented, “It doesn’t make any sense.”

I didn’t answer him.

He was of course. Sitting in a physiatrists office for an hour each week, not talking didn’t really make any sense. But sitting on that couch, I imagined all the things I would say and what the doctor would say back. It was the kind of therapy I needed.

Sitting on the couch that day, the silence echoing around us as the shrink, Dr. Mathias, waited for me to say something, the way he did every session.

I was not a person who liked to ‘share’. I didn’t open up to people easily and I didn’t make friends easily. I didn’t allow just anyone to come into my life. That was why everything with Kit was so strange.

Not only had I invited him into my life, but I had shared with him things that I didn’t share with people. With anyone really. Only with James and that had been because he’d been there to witness them.

It made sense after sharing what we had with one another that I would be quite fond of Kit. You couldn’t share the things we had shared and not feel something for one another. The two of us had been laid naked to each other in everything but the physical sense. We had seen what was inside the other person and neither of us had flinched or looked away.

We had totally and completely accepted one another when we exposed the deepest parts of ourselves and that couldn’t help but lead to a deep affection for one another. It was the only thing that could have happened really.

I even caught myself thinking that he might be fond of me. But it was the depth of my fondness for Kit that surprised me.

I found myself having real feelings for him. Not just because he was a celebrity or because he was possibly the most handsome man I had ever seen. But because of who he was and what he’d told me, what he’d been through.

I had feelings for him as a person. Which was a far deeper connection than I ever would have dreamed finding in my life let alone in Belfast, my self-imposed purgatory. A place I had only moved to in order to look after my father after my mother had died. A place I had got to let my dreams die.

But I wouldn’t even admit it in my head, the name for what I was feeling for Kit. That would make everything just a little too real for me and take the things that I had been feeling inside to the surface and I couldn’t handle that.

I couldn’t love Kit. It could only lead to trouble because I knew he could not return those feelings.

But if he did, which was what I found myself thinking about, that would create a completely new set of problems that I wasn’t equipped to deal with or face.

No it was better for me to just keep my feelings to myself and deal with the problem they presented, that was more than enough to keep my busy until he left in December. After that, I would have no problem. He would be gone and whatever feelings I was feeling for him would disappear with time.

It would all work out in the end.

See what I mean? Therapy was great for me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Thompson’s Garage was a night club in Belfast that used to be a boat house. Even though the whole thing had been done up with blue strobe lights and a bar, I could still see the design of the boat house in the architecture.

That’s what I was focusing on and not the fact that we were making our way through the club to go to the VIP section upstairs.

The club opened at nine and James made me wait until nine-thirty before we went inside, that was when everyone was supposed to be getting there. I hated being late and liked to get everywhere at least half an hour early.

It was closer to ten, I was on the dancefloor, when I got a text from Kit saying he and the rest of the gang were upstairs and that he could see me dancing.

I looked up to see him leaning over the railing upstairs, a beer in his hand as he peered down at me with a smile. I couldn’t help but smile back as my heart skipped a beat, even from this angle, where I could see up his nose, he was still handsome. I briefly wondered what he thought of me dancing, I hadn’t been trying to look good or anything, I’d just been dancing and having fun with James.

I waved happily before I grabbed James’s hand and the two of us headed over to the stairs that lead up to the VIP section. It was currently being guarded by a burley looking guy in a suit.

“Hey,” said James happily, “We’d like to go upstairs.” He said, fighting to be heard over the music.

“Got an invitation?” he asked, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at us.

“Yes actually.” Said James pointedly, “We’re friends with one of the guys upstairs.”

“Oh really?” he said sarcastically.

“Yes, really.” Said James, getting annoyed.

This was a mistake. A huge mistake. What were we thinking?

“James, let’s just go.” I said tugging at him, I’d text Kit later and say we’d gone home. It was fine.

“No hang on, I want to know why this gentleman won’t let us upstairs.” Said James pointedly as the lights flickered from blue to purple.

“It’s his job James.” I said, tugging on his arm. I could see the bouncer was getting annoyed with the two of us and I wanted to leave before he got us thrown out.

But before I could budge James even a few centimetres, Kit suddenly appeared behind the bouncer with a beer in his hand, “Hey Agnes, you made it.” He smiled, clapping the bouncer on the shoulder with his free hand, “It’s alright, let them in.” 

The bouncer looked shocked. James looked smug. Kit looked pleased and I just felt awkward.

Putting his hand on my lower back, Kit guided me upstairs, his eyes trailing up and down my body once we were upstairs, “You look great.” He said, seeming surprised.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

I was wearing a bright red skirt with a bow on the front with a high necked black top and the black over the knee boots I had brought. I’d paired it all with my chucky gold hoop earrings An outfit James assured me was ‘Man-Bait’, whatever that meant.

Looking around I saw the familiar faces of not only Alfie Allen and Iwan Rheon, but Nathalie Emmanuel, Sophie Turner, John Bradley, Hannah Murray and a guy whose face I remembered as playing some guy in the Night’s Watch but I couldn’t for the life of me remember his name or the name of the character he played.

It immediately struck me how skinny all the girls in the room were. I knew I wasn’t skinny and that I was generally considered to be a curvy girl, but next to these girls, I looked down right fat. And that made me uncomfortable.

“Everyone,” called Kit as we came into the room, “This is my friend Agnes and her friend James.” He said pointing to us.

“Hi.” I said waving awkwardly, “I already know all your names.” I explained.

“Me too!” squeaked James, he looked as if all his Christmas’s had come at once.

“Excellent! We’re doing a round of shots for the birthday boy, you two in?” asked the one whose name I couldn’t remember.

“Oh Ben, really?” complained Emilia.

“Come on! You three in?” asked Ben.

“Yeah.” I agreed, thankful that someone had said his name so that I didn’t have to go through the awkwardness of not knowing it and having to ask.

I joined Alfie and everyone else over at the private bar that was reserved for the VIP area.

“Hi,” I said as I came over to Alfie, feeling far too awkward, this was his party and I was just meeting him for the first time, “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you.” He said pulling me in for an awkward hug, “We’re doing shots. You in?”

I opened my mouth to respond but no sound came out. I wanted to speak but I couldn’t. I was at a birthday party for a guy I had just met, full of famous people. What on earth was I doing here? And more accurately, what an earth did I say?

“Yes!” interrupted James as he came up next to me.

A round of shots was poured and we all clinked glasses together, toasting to Alfie’s birthday before we downed them.  

One shot, turned into three and the awkwardness in general just floated away from everyone and everything. Before I knew it I was sitting on the lounges with everyone else just chatting away.

James, who was supposed to be my wing man, so I would have someone other than Kit to talk to, spent half his time fawning over Emilia, leaving me alone.

But Kit sat with his arm slung around my shoulders. When he’d first done it, something occurred to me that something about the situation was wrong, that he shouldn’t have his arm around me. But I was feeling a little too buzzed from the previous shots to remember why the bad feeling was there. In fact, having Kit’s arm around my shoulders felt kind of nice… and he seemed as content as I was just to listen to the conversation unless he was pulled it to it.

“So Agnes, Kit tells us he met you at the gym, is that right?” asked Nathalie as we sat drinking.

“Call me Ness.” I told her.

“Kit always calls you Agnes, so that’s what we know you as.” Explained Sophie.

“Oh yes! He talks about me doesn’t he?” I said, suddenly remembering as I took a sip of my drink, “What does he say?” I asked.

“Alright!” interrupted Kit loudly, “That’s enough of that!”

“No wait, I want to know what you say!” I disagreed with a giggle. I couldn’t remember why I was giggling but something was funny.

“So Agnes,” began Alfie as he stumbled over to the lounges, sitting down next to me, “I have a question to ask you.” He began, his alcoholic breath swirling in my face.

“Uh oh, I think someone is a little drunk.” Said Iwan with a laugh.

“Do the curtain’s match the drapes?” asked Alfie.

I blinked in confusion, “What?”

“I think what Alfie is trying to ask is if you are a natural red head.” Translated Nathalie.

“Yeah, or do you pretend like some of us.” Said Sophie, flipping her dyed red hair over her shoulder.

I laughed, “My hair was blond when I was little, then it went bright red! But its fading now, I bet I’ll have brown hair by the time I’m twenty-nine.” I grinned, “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Smiled Alfie, “Kit likes red heads though.”

“Really?” I asked turning to look at him, he’d gone bright red with blush.

“Don’t listen to him. He’s drunk.” He told me, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I’m not drunk.” Argued Alfie.

“You sound drunk.” Said Sophie.

I giggled, if he was drunk I was… I didn’t know what I was. Which probably meant I was drunk. But not drunk enough to make bad decisions yet. Just enough to find everything funny. 

“He’s supposed to be drunk,” reasoned Kit, “It’s your birthday.”

“It is. I’m twenty-nine. Twenty-fucking-nine! You believe that shit?” demanded Alfie.

I laughed again. I have no idea why.

“Ness!” called James as both he and Emilia stumbled over to me, “Come dance with me!”

“We can’t dance here, there’s no dance floor.” I said pointedly.

“There’s one down stairs! Let’s go!” he said.

“No way, I’m not getting mobbed by fans downstairs. They all know we’re here. Let’s go to that club near our hotel. What’s it called?” asked Emilia, clicking her fingers and pointing at Kit.

“Club Mono.” He replied.

“Ew.” I said pulling a face, “why would you name your club after that?”

“What’s wrong with mono?” asked Iwan.

“It’s a type of disease in Australia you get from kissing.” I explained.

“Really?” asked Alfie turning to Kit, “Well pucker up Harington!”

“You’re not my type.” He dismissed.

“Yes, I think we all know who is your type.” Grinned Alfie.

Kit glared at him. I felt like I was missing something important. It was probably the alcohol.

Eventually it was decided that we would all walk to Club Mono because it was closer to the Game of Thrones casts hotel. The moment we stepped outside and the cool Belfast air hit me, I suddenly felt a lot bouncier and excited for no reason at all.

As we all began walking it suddenly felt like a very ordinary way to travel and I didn’t want to do anything ordinary. I was with extraordinary people. I wanted to do everything in an extraordinary way.

“Kit!” I cried as I threw my arms around him, hugging him from behind.

“Hey,” he said happily, “You want a lift?”

“You can’t lift me.” I accused.

“Sure he can!” interrupted James, “Look at those arms!” he said as he squeezed Kit’s biceps. If I didn’t know any better I would say he was flirting, and that irritated me, for some reason. But why?

“I can’t I’ve got a skirt on. People will see my underwear!” I said.

“Are you wearing nice ones?” asked James.

“Yes.”

“Then your fine.”

I laughed, I liked his logic, “Ok.” I agreed.

Coming to a stop, Kit crouched down slightly and I jumped onto his back, gripping his shoulders as I did. His hands immediately hooked under my knees, holding them securely around his hips.

“Onward mighty steed!” I declared.

Kit laughed as he began to walk forward with me on his back. I had expected him to take a few steps before he put me down, complaining of my weight but he didn’t. He walked nearly a block before I said something.

“I’m not too heavy?” I fretted.

“I lift bigger weights than you at the gym.” He assured me.

“That’s so hot!” commented James.

“We’re here!” called Sophie.

Kit placed me back down on the ground, but kept hold of my hand as we walked into Club Mono. The first thing I noticed was the purple lighting and the strobe lights that lit up the bar. Then I noticed the song playing.

“Oh my god! I love this song!” I declared.

“Me too!” called Emilia.

Grabbing my hand, James yanked me out onto the dance floor, my hand being effectively ripped from Kit’s as I stumbled after him. The dance floor was packed tight with people dancing, but that didn’t stop James, myself, Emilia, Sophie and Nathalie from going out there and dancing.

I was more focused on singing my heart out than dancing though, “This is my fight song!” I sung at the top of my lung, “Take back my life song! Prove I’m alright sooooong!”

As the song finished up, I saw Kit and all the other boys at the bar. I was a little thirsty but wanted to keep on dancing. The five of us danced for three more songs before I declared I needed water, my mouth was dry from the smoke I was breathing in from the fog machine.

We joined the boys at the bar, I bounced over to Kit, still giggling from the dancing, “What are you drinking? Can I have some?” I asked as I grabbed him beer and started drinking before he could even answer.

It occurred to me somewhere in my mind that I was being rude, but Kit was laughing so I figured it must have been my imagination.

“You guys gonna come and dance with us?” asked Emilia.

“No way.” Said Ben.

“Oh come on Benny Boo!” cooed Sophie.

Suddenly another song that I like started and I turned to Kit, “Come and dance with me!” I sang as I grabbed his hand and began to shimmy backwards in what I hoped was a persuasive manner.

“No!” said Kit, fighting to be heard over the music.

“Come on!” I encouraged, tugging lightly on his hand before I sung the lyrics to the song, “Shut up and dance with me!”

He laughed and I began to shimmy once more. I knew I couldn’t possibly look good with my extra body fat shaking the way it was but I didn’t care.

“I’m coming!” declared Alfie as he placed his drink down and practically ran towards the dancefloor.

Whether it was Alfie’s agreeance, or my shimmying, Kit suddenly put down his beer and let me lead him out onto the dance floor.

With the moving bodies around us, Kit’s motionless form stood out far more than it should have.

“I don’t dance!” he said, shouting to be heard over the music.

“Then sing!” I encouraged as I belted out at the top of my lungs, “Shut up and dance with me!”

He looked around awkwardly, his face going red as if he had no idea what to do. Grabbing his hands, I brought them up and moved them from side to side in a rhythmic motion so it at least looked like he was dancing, if not on his own will. He simply laughed, looking away bashfully.

“Whoa, Kit is on the dance floor? You must be drunk.” Said Emilia.

As the song finished and another song came on, I changed tactic and draped Kit’s hands around my neck. He looked at me then, suddenly growing serious as I erased all space between our bodies and swayed my hips from side to side.

I wasn’t trying to be seductive or anything, this was just how I danced. But I was so close to Kit that every movement I made, I knew he could feel. Turning around so my back was pressing into his chest, I laced my fingers with his and began to move my hips and after a moment, he began to move to. Little hesitant movements that didn’t match the rhythm of the song. But he was dancing and that was what mattered.

I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, before his lips were at my ear. I was too caught up in that feeling to realize he had slowly moved us from the middle of the dance floor to the edge until my knees hit a speaker.

My feet were beginning to ache from being in the heeled boots. I wasn’t sure what possessed me to do it, but I turned around and hopped up onto the speaker, sitting there with my legs dangling down either side of it.

Kit stepped closer to me, standing between my legs he placed his hands on my knees, smiling at me. I smiled back as I draped my arms over his shoulders, we could continue dancing just like this, it would be fine. My feet felt better already.

But he was just so good looking that a leaned down and put my face close to his, I wanted to be close to him. It seemed he wanted that to because he hooked his hands under my knees and pulled me until I was sitting on the edge of the speaker and there was no space between our bodies. His belt buckle was pressing into my belly button.

He inched forward and attempted to press his lips to mine but I pulled away. He frowned in confusion and I smiled as I lifted my hand from his shoulder and cupped the side of his face, bringing him closer… then just before his lips could touch mine I turned away giggling. It was a game; how close could he get before I turned away?

He seemed to like my game as he kept edging forward, so much so that I had to lean back on the speaker to keep his lips from touching mine. Wasn’t this a fun game?

His hands that had previously been on my knees found the skin between the top of my boots and the bottom of my skirt. The moment his fingers touched that exposed flesh there I felt a thrill go through me that had be winding my fingers through his hair and gripping him tightly.

It vaguely occurred to me that James had been right. That one part of exposed flesh seemed to be connected to all my nerve endings as I felt Kit’s thumbs pressed into my skin.

He slid his hands under my skirt, running his hands along my thighs before he gripped two handfuls of my backside and lifted me up from the speaker, my body pressing into his. I smiled down at him as my hair fell around us like a curtain. Even though I knew we were in a club, the music playing and people all around us, it felt like we were the only two people in the world…

And it was because of that feeling and the clenching of knots in my stomach that I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.

He immediately leaned forward, his tongue tracing my lower lips, begging for access as he tried to deepen the kiss. I sighed against his mouth, opening my lips slightly and his tongue slipped inside, meeting mine.

I wasn’t aware when it happened but one moment I was taller than him, the next my feet were on the ground and there was no place between our bodies as my lower back pressed into the speaker.

His hands had slipped from my backside up to my back as he pulled me closer and I tugged on his curls, biting his bottom lip, which caused him to moan against my mouth. Or I thought he moaned, I couldn’t hear him because of the music, but I felt the sound vibrate through me from the back of his throat.

I’d wanted to kiss him for so long, now that I finally was, it was far better than I could have imagined. Why had I not kissed him before now? Why didn’t we spend all our time kissing? He was so good at it! The knots in my stomach clenched so tightly that it was painful and I felt myself moan against his mouth.

Then things began to blur together.

I remembered going outside, the cold air hitting me made me giggle again…

Then I remembered going inside somewhere that had bright white lights and was warm…

Then I was being pressed into a wall, my arms draped over Kit’s shoulders as his lips pressed into my neck…

Then I heard a door close…

His lips felt so good on my neck, his facial hair tickled the exposed skin of my shoulder and it felt good…

Then I was sitting on the edge of a bed as Kit peeled off my boots. I couldn’t forget looking down at him as he took an exhaustive amount of time peeling the material of the boots from my legs, his fingers brushing all the new skin that he exposed as he did.

“I love these boots.” He told me as he draped my foot over his shoulder and began to kiss up the inside of my calf, discarding my boots to the side.  

“I love the way you kiss.” I told him as I closed my eyes in bliss and enjoyed the feel of his lips on my skin.

Then his kiss went higher and higher until his head was beneath my skirt and I felt my breath catch in my throat as an unexpected wave of pleasure went through me. He was kissing me through my underwear, but that didn’t stop me from feeling it as if there was nothing between us.

I threw my head back so far that I laid back on the bed. I remembered feeling the softness of the bed beneath my whole body…

Then I’d looked down to see Kit’s head emerge from under my skirt, a look of primal hunger on his face as he crawled up the bed towards me. I was almost relieved when his lips were on my mouth again. I felt as if I hadn’t taken a solid breath since he had taken off my boots…

I remember him sitting up and taking his shirt off… I remember running my hands over his muscled chest, marvelling at the feel of his hard skin beneath my hands… I remember sitting up and taking my shirt off and how great it felt to be free of that garment… I remembered how his lips seemed to have devoured every part of my body, or at least the parts that had mattered and it had felt amazing…

Then I remember how it had had felt to feel his skin pressing into mine…

Then I remembered him saying “I want you.” and how those words had affected me as he pressed me into the mattress. I captured his lips with mine in response because I wanted him too…

I remembered him breaking away from our kiss and his forehead pressing into mine as he entered me…

I remembered clenching all over as I felt pleasure build up inside of me…

I remember running my fingernails down his back, which caused his to cry out loudly, that was a sound I could never forget.

He captured my lips with his once more after that, seeming almost as desperate to kiss me as I was to kiss him…

God he had amazing lips…


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing I became aware of in the morning was my throbbing head ache, which was a sign of a good night out. Then I became aware that I was in a bed, but it wasn’t my bed. Then I realized I was naked.

Snapping open my eyes, I looked around at the unfamiliar hotel room trying to make sense of the rush of memories that were flooding back to me.

Dancing in the club, sitting on the speaker… oh god, kissing Kit!

But I hadn’t stopped at kissing him, I’d come back to his hotel room. I remembered him peeling off my boots… scratching my nails down his bare back and the way he groaned… I would never forget that sound…

Some small part of me still clung to the delusion that all the memories I was remembering were all fantasies that I had made up in my head. That seemed more likely than the fact that Kit and I had slept together, but as I became aware of another presence in the bed, I slowly turned to see Kit’s sleeping for lying next to me.

I don’t know why I was so shocked, there was no way I could have made up how Kit had made me feel last night, but seeing him lying there as physical proof of what had happened between us made everything feel so much more real than it had before.

And with that reality, the shame and embarrassment set in.

I had slept with Kit Harington; on the one hand, that statement was quite impressive.

But I hadn’t slept with the celebrity Kit Harington, I had slept with the Kit I knew and that was bad, that was very, very bad.

My first reaction was to get out of there before Kit woke up. I didn’t want to have the awkward ‘morning after’ talk with him. In fact, I was pretty sure that after last night I was never going to be able to face him again.

Wincing against the effort I slowly inched my way out of the bed, slipping out from under the covers and standing up, I eyed Kit for a moment to see if I had woken him, but he didn’t even stir.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I quickly found my bra and shirt by the side of the bed, pulling them on quickly I noticed my skirt and shoes discarded at the foot of the bed. Yanking on my skirt I looked around for my underwear. I wasn’t exactly comfortable going commando but I couldn’t see the vital piece of clothing anywhere, I even picked up some of Kit’s discarded clothes and looked beneath them, still nothing.

I was between a rock and a hard place, did I go outside without my underwear or did I risk hanging around and Kit possibly waking up?

One look at his sleeping form told me my answer.

As I leaned down to grab my shoes, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He looked so much younger than he was when he slept. His face was devoid of the heaviness that he normally carried around with him when he was awake and I was taken aback by just how handsome he looked.

I briefly wondered if this would be the last time I would see him, my immediate thought was yes, how was I ever supposed to face him? But when I thought about it a little longer, I wondered how I was supposed to go on without him? He had altered my life so completely.

He shifted in his sleep, rolling around to face the side of the bed that I had been laying on and I knew it was time to go.

Creeping on the tips of my toes, my boots in my hand I slowly pressed down the handle of the door, wincing at the sound of the click, which seemed obnoxiously loud when I was trying to be so silent. Opening the door as little as possible, I quickly slipped out before I very slowly shut it behind me.

As soon as I was out of the room and safely in the hallway, I let loose a breath of relief I wasn’t aware I had been holding. I was out. I was safe.

My relief was short lived however when I looked up to see a maid with a cart staring at me. It was obvious what happened, I had bed hair, smudged make-up and my shoes in my hand as I crept out of the room; I was obviously sneaking out from a one-night stand.

Smiling, I prayed that she didn’t know whose room it was as I my bare feet padded down the hallway, with my held high, I did my walk of shame.

The maid giggled as I passed, “Was he good?” she laughed.

I sighed, so she did know whose room it was. I didn’t turn around to face her, simply raising my hand and waving in response before I turned the corner and headed towards the elevator.

Pressing the button, I waited for the elevator to come. It had been a long time since I’d done a walk of shame but it had never been like this and I knew I would never live this one down for as long as I was alive.

It was amusing, in a sick sardonic way and despite myself, a smile found its way onto my face.

…

I was walking up the steps to my house when my phone buzzed, there was a message from Kit; ‘where are you?’

I groaned, I was not ready to deal with him just yet. The sun was hurting my head and I felt terrible. I needed a shower, a hot chocolate, some painkillers and a nap. I wasn’t sure in what order.

Opening the door with my key I stepped into the kitchen to see my father at the table, a cup of coffee in front of him, he looked up from his phone when I entered, took in my appearance and smiled, “Morning Nessy.” He said brightly.

I was so hung over I didn’t ever bother telling him off for calling me my most hated nickname. Instead I groaned as I dropped my boots by the front door and stumbled into the kitchen.

“Looks like someone had fun last night.” He commented as he took a sip of his drink.

“Bite me.” I replied as I flicked the kettle on.

“Who was he?” he asked as he swallowed a mouthful of his drink.

“No one you know.” I dismissed as I pulled open the cupboards to get a cup and look for some painkillers.

“Good. Because I’d have to kill him.” He commented.

I grinned briefly in amusement, but that hurt my head so I stopped.

“Advil is in the top drawer.” He said helpfully.

I glanced over at him as he smiled knowingly over the top of his cup.

“Thanks.” I grumbled as I pulled open the drawer.

My father and myself fought so often nowadays that I forgot how great things could be between us. I forgot what it felt like to have him look after me and to joke with me.

I’d just finished making my hot chocolate and had downed a few pain killers when James entered the room. I froze with my mug still in my hand as his eyes ran up and down me, he grinned, “Morning Slut!” he said in absolute delight.

I groaned again as I sat down at the table, his voice was far too happy and loud for my headache, which throbbed with every word he spoke.

“You had sex with Kit Harington didn’t you?” demanded James, seeming absolutely delighted.

“James! My father is right there!” I said pointedly, my headache was throbbing too much for me to bother feeling embarrassed.

“Wait, the guy from Game of Thrones?” asked my father, seeming interested.

“The very same.” Said James happily before he pulled his phone from his pocket, “Oh! Speak of the devil.”

Kit was calling James? This couldn’t be good.

“I’m not here!” I said immediately.

“Let me talk to him!” smiled my father, “I want to talk to the man who deflowered my little girl!” he laughed as he attempted half-heartedly to grab James’s phone.

“Hardly deflowered.” I grumbled as James answered the phone.

“Well, hello Mr. Harington, what can I do for you this fine morning?” he asked brightly.

I glowered at him, why was he so happy? No one should be so happy after such a big night of drinking.

“Yes she’s here.” Smiled James turning to look at me.

I threw him a look of annoyance; he was supposed to say I wasn’t here!

My father chuckled.

“Yep, I’ll let her know. Ok. Bye.” Said James before he hung up the phone, “He just wanted to make sure you got home alright.” He explained.

“Well that was nice of him.” Commented my father.

I took another sip of my hot chocolate, I could no deal with all this right now. My head hurt. My stomach felt queasy and I was in desperate need of a shower.

“Yes, did you have a very _nice_ night with Jon Snow?” grinned James.

“Ok, I’m not talking about this.” I said as I stood up, grabbing my coffee cup as I did I headed out of the room.

“Oh Nessy! You have a message from Kit!” called James as he picked up my phone.

I sighed as I turned around, I was home safe, what more did he want to know?

Glancing at my phone, James burst out laughing at what he saw.

I snatched my phone from him and stared at the screen, there was a picture of my underwear with the caption ‘did you forget something?’

The embarrassment that had been dulled before came back in full force in that moment. Kit had my underwear.

“What’s so funny?” asked my father, leaning over to peer at my phone.

I quickly hid it from view as James continued to cackle, “Nothing!” I said a little too loudly before I moved as fast as I could, without spilling my drink, out of the kitchen and to the bathroom.

“You’re going to have to text him back at some point!” called James.

My response was to slam the bathroom door.

I knew I couldn’t avoid seeing Kit forever, but I was at least going to try until the mortification of what had happened between us passed.

This time yesterday we had been friends, just two people who liked to hang out together, then I had gotten drunk and ruined the whole thing by sleeping with him! I could only imagine what had happened, I would have been sloppy drunk and thrown myself at him and Kit, not wanting to hurt my feelings had probably slept with me just because I was there and I was willing.

I had ruined my friendship with him by getting drunk and revealing how I really felt about him. Not only was this one of the worst possible outcomes but it was also the most humiliating.

Stripping off my clothes I turned the taps of the shower and stepped under the watery spray. Kit could keep my underwear forever for all I cared, I was sure he had a souvenir box somewhere of fangirls who had thrown themselves at him, which was what I had reduced myself to last night.

Not an equal or a friend as I had previously been, but a horny little fan girl. It was humiliating.

No, he could keep my underwear because I was certainly not going to face him again in order to retrieve them. If I never saw him again, it would be too soon.

…

Avoiding Kit was not easy, the first thing I had to do was revise my gym schedule. Instead of going every Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning, I now went every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night, just to make sure that we wouldn’t run into each other.

Ignoring my phone wasn’t that easy. At first, he was relatively patient and even playful, I received texts like ‘Avoiding someone after you sleep with them is generally the guys move.’

But after a week where I missed my first gym session I got texts like ‘Miss you today at gym, where you been?’

The next day, he seemed to be getting suspicious, ‘Are you avoiding me? I feel like I’m being avoided.’

By Sunday, he had clicked, ‘Your avoiding me. Why?’

I was so tempted to text back, ‘Because you’ve seen me naked.’ But I didn’t. Every time he texted me I wanted text him back, but I had to stick by my decision. I wasn’t ready to face him yet. Actually I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be ready to face him.

But I should have known Kit would not let me avoid him forever because after two weeks, he took matters into his own hands.

…

I’d just gotten back from the gym and was having a shower, it was because of the water in my ears that I didn’t hear my phone ring. I was trying to avoid Kit, so I wasn’t checking my phone as much as I should have been. I’d just changed into my pink bear onesie and was still towel drying my hair when there was a knock on the front door.

Not thinking twice, I didn’t even look through the window to see who was there before I opened the door, I was not prepared for the sight that greeted me.

Kit was standing there, his hair combed back and looking more attractive than anyone had the right to be.

I was so shocked to see him standing there that I took me a moment to realize that my barely conscious father was with him, his arm slung around his shoulders to keep him upright.

I automatically knew why he was here. My father had passed out in a bar again and Kit had obviously found him and brought him home. I couldn’t fathom what had possessed him to do such a thing, I was a little too shocked about the fact that he was standing in front of me once more, let alone that he had my drunk father with him. Not trusting myself to speak, I wordlessly stepped to the side, waving them inside. 

“Hey Nessy,” smiled my father, his alcoholic breath wafting into my face, “Look! It’s Jon Snow.” He said as he stumbled inside.

“They tried calling you.” Kit explained as he came inside.

“I was in the shower.” I explained as I closed the door.

“Yeah well, I was there. So I gave him a lift.”  He said as he came to a stop, seeming unsure as to where to deposit my father.

“Lounge room.” I said, motioning towards the couch.

Stumbling forward, Kit unwound my father’s arm from around his shoulders before he practically fell onto the couch.

“You know nothin’ Job Slow…” he said, his voice slurring as he collapsed on the couch.

I simply sighed as I stared down at him. No sooner had his head hit the couch than he was fast asleep. It was just so typical for him to bring a guy I had been avoiding for the past two weeks to our house and then pass out, effectively leave me alone with him.

The two of us stood there for a moment, awkwardly watching my father sleep for a moment. The silence was tense and heavy and lasted what felt like a life time before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to speak.

“Well thanks for bringing him back here.” I said, my voice coming out far louder than I intended.

“No problem.” He replied.

No longer comfortable with simply watching my father sleep, I turned on my heel and headed into the kitchen. Part of me wanted Kit to leave because I had no idea what I was supposed to say to him, would he want to talk about what had happened that night? But the other part of me, the polite part, told me that it was just common curtesy to at least offer him a drink for bringing my drunk father home.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” I asked as I stepped into the kitchen, I fought to keep my voice level and I didn’t dare look at him. Even though I knew he was right behind me.

“Please.” He said.

Making him a cup of tea, I could do that. It would give me something to focus on rather than the fact that he was here. In my kitchen. Alone with me.

“How have you been?” asked Kit as he pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down.

“Busy.” I lied, keeping my back to him as I placed a tea bag in the cup and poured the hot water in, “Works been crazy.”

“Is that why you haven’t been coming to the gym?” he asked conversationally.

“Yeah.” I lied as I turned around and placed the mug on the table in front of him.

“Uh huh.” He said as I sat down in the seat opposite him, “So what’s your excuse for not picking up your phone?” he asked.

I froze in my seat and flicked my gaze up to meet his; this was it. He’d caught me. And there was no escaping.

“I just didn’t want things to be awkward.” I said, speaking honestly, “I didn’t want to have this conversation.”

“What conversation?”

“This conversation!” I burst out gesturing to the space around us, “The conversation between two painfully sober people about something they both did when they were drunk.”

He blinked in shock at my words, but other than that his face was completely devoid of emotion. Which frustrated me as I had no idea how he felt about the whole thing.

“What exactly are you upset about?” he asked as he leaned forward and joined his hands together on the table between us.

“That I’ve ruined our friendship by sleeping with you.” I said pointedly.

“You can’t ruin a friendship with sex. That’s like ruining ice cream by adding chocolate sprinkles.” He reasoned.

I couldn’t help but smile at his reasoning. As awkward as the whole thing was, he seemed to be taking everything with a sense of humour.

“So you were worried that having sex would ruin our friendship and your solution to that was to avoid me?” he asked.

“Pretty much.” I shrugged.

When he said it like that it sounded stupid.

“Do you regret it?” he asked looking up at me.

I opened my mouth to say ‘of course’ but he spoke before I could.

“Because I don’t.”

I blinked in shock, how could he not regret sleeping with me?

“This doesn’t have to affect our friendship. We can still be friends and hang out with each other, not doing that would be letting it ruin things.” He reasoned.

I was silent, he had a point.

“We’re not the first people to get drunk and hook up with a friend you know.” He said pointedly.

“So what do we do?” I asked curiously, “Just pretend like it never happened?”

“If you want.” He shrugged, though he didn’t seem pleased about the prospect.

“Yes.” I said eagerly, that was exactly what I wanted, “Let’s be friends. No sprinkles.”

“No sprinkles.” He agreed.

I frowned as something in his tone struck me, “Were you hoping for sprinkles?”

“I’m a guy.” He reasoned, “I’m always hoping for sprinkles.”

I laughed in response.

“So come on, tell me what you’ve been up to the last two weeks.” He prompted as he took a sip of his tea.

Despite myself, I had to smile at how easily he slipped back into the comfortable ‘friend zone’ when I was still struggling with the fallout of the ‘drunken hook up zone’.

I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he had seen me naked. That I had seen him naked. That I knew what he liked during sex and he knew what I liked. That was the kind of things no friend should know, I didn’t even know that stuff about James!

I could still hear the groaning sound of pleasure he made when I ran my fingernails down his back. That was something I could never forget.

How could we simply go back to the way things were? It was impossible. But I decided to follow his lead and try to at least act like things weren’t affecting me.

“I’ve been pretty busy.” I said, keeping up the pretence that I had been operating under, “The salon has just been crazy…” I trailed off as I thought of the boringness of my life, “But we don’t need to talk about my job, I cut hair for a living. I’m not interesting.”

“I find you interesting.” He contradicted.

“I’m not. I cut hair for a living. Even I think that’s boring.” I shrugged.

“What would you do instead? If you could do anything you wanted.” He asked.

“I actually studied music at university. I have a useless degree in music.” I told him.

“Wow! And what were you going to do with that?”

“I wanted to become a singer.” I revealed.

It had been a long time since I talked about my singing ambitions. I had pushed them to the back of my mind so long ago and with that, my hope that they would ever come to fruition.

“What kind of singer? Like musical theatre?”

“No, recording artist. I feel like that’s the best way to reach the most people. I’d like to sing songs about self-acceptance and body image. To get that message out there rather than some of the crap that’s on the air right now. I mean, ‘I can’t feel my face when I’m with you’ what does that even mean? Is the guy high or what? Is he talking about his dentist?” I ranted.

He laughed, seeming to enjoy my little rambling session. 

“You going to go on one of those talent shows?” he asked.

“No.” I said immediately.

“Why not? Don’t get me wrong I respect that decision because reality shows are tacky. But it seems that it’s the easiest way to get a record deal.” He said.

“Well, I completely agree with everything you said, reality shows are tacky and they are the easiest way to get a record deal. But that’s not the point though, if I get a record deal, I want to know I’ve worked for it. I want it to be because I worked hard and I had the talent and drive to get there. Not because I got the most votes from people I don’t even know.” I explained.

He nodded in approval, “That shows a lot of integrity.”

“James’s says I just like to make things hard for myself.” I told him.

“That too.” He smiled.

“The plan was to finish my degree then move to London.” I smiled, thinking fondly on my long forgotten dreams.

“Why London?”

“It’s the home of so many great singers, and I’ve always love the idea of living in London. It’s a city with such history and it’s the gateway to all of Europe. I’ve always wanted to live there.” I told him.

“Have you ever been?”

“To London? No.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged, “Never had the time.”

“So why?”

“Why what? Why won’t I go on a reality show? Because they’re stupid and if I ever saw Simon Cowell I’d probably punch him.” I said pointedly.

“No,” he smiled, “Why aren’t you doing that? Why aren’t you out there using your degree?”

“Ah.” I said awkwardly, “Well the thing is, I never actually finished my degree. I was one semester away from finishing it when my mum got sick and I had to take time off university to take care of her. I took the first job that came along, which was hairdressing and I just kept doing that. I always meant to go back but I never did.” I explained.

“Why did you never go back?” he asked curiously.

“Well I was all set to after my mum died. But then, everything happened with my dad, so I moved over here to look after him.” I explained.

“So you basically gave up on your dreams to look after other people?” he said flatly.

“It’s a little more complicated than that, but essentially yes.” I allowed.

“That’s sad Agnes.” He commented.

I frowned, “What is?”

“Well, you’ve put aside your dreams and ambitions to look after others. You can’t just put other people before yourself and think that counts as love.” He said pointedly.

“On the contrary, I think that is the only thing that counts as love.” I contradicted, “It means I care more about the people I love happiness than my own.”

“That’s no way to live.” He retorted, “How will you ever be happy?”

“Seeing people I love happy makes me happy.” I said simply.

He eyed me and didn’t seem convinced.


	7. Chapter 7

“You know this is classified as stalking right?” I asked James as he sat on the couch with his laptop, using it to find out every bit of information he could about his latest crush.

“If he didn’t want people to know everything about his life, he wouldn’t post it online.” He replied as he stared at his laptop intently.

I smiled despite myself as I took a sip of my morning hot chocolate.

“It’s one thing to stalk a guy online, but you’re actually planning to show up at his work.” I said pointedly.

“No, I am going to casually go to where he is working to make an opportunity for him to ask me on a date.” He retorted.

“It’s still weird.” I commented as I took another sip of my drink.

“Well if you think it’s so weird, you should come with me.” He said.

“And why on earth would I do that?”

“To make sure I don’t do anything weird.”

“Besides the stalking the guy and randomly showing up at his work?” I qualified with a grin.

“Exactly. And who goes to café’s by themselves anyway?” he asked pointedly.

I sighed, it was my day off and I didn’t particularly want to do anything, especially not going to a café so I could watch James hit on some guy, but I knew he wasn’t about to go to the café alone, “Can’t you go with someone else?”

“Who else am I going to take? Your father?” he asked sarcastically, pointing to the passed out lump on the floor that was my father.

I looked over at his sleeping form with a sigh. He’d made it home at three in the morning. I’d woken up to find him stumbling drunk through the house. I’d tried to help him to his room but he’d passed out before I could get him out of the lounge room, so I just left him on the floor after I threw a blanket over him.

“If I wasn’t sure that he would be like that for the majority of the day, I’d say yes.” I replied.

“Fat chance.” He snapped.

I sighed, I guess I was going out today. Which would mean I would have to get out of my onesies, something I was loathed to do. But, with James, I didn’t really have a choice. He would pester me until I agreed or make me feel guilty for at least a month if I didn’t go.

I’d just resigned myself to my fate when my phone pinged to say I had a message. It was from Kit; ‘Hey, what are you up to today?’

‘James jut informed me that I’m going out to lunch with him so he can spy on his latest crush.’ I replied.

‘Sounds exciting. Mind if I tag along?’

‘Why? Do you want to check out the hot waiters as well?’

‘Absolutely. And I’ve got nothing on today so I thought we should hang out.’

‘I’m not sure how James will cope with having you there as competition but I’m down for a cat fight if you are. Meet you at the café at 12?’

‘Sure thing.’

And that was that.

I dragged myself off the couch and got dressed. I wore a pair of black leggings and a long black shirt that successfully hid most of my large behind. I paired it all with a pair of lace-up boots and a black jacket that had a gold leaf design on it.

It was a rare sunny day in Belfast so I put on my sunglasses and the two of us decided to walk to the café rather than drive. Linking his arm through mine, the two of us automatically fell into step with each other which automatically meant James wanted to skip in a Wizard of Oz re-enactment.

I indulged him for a few steps, but my bouncing boobs were making me uncomfortable, so I pulled him back to just walking again.

“So what’s the deal with you and Kit these days?” he asked conversationally as we walked.

“What do you mean?” I frowned.

“I mean, you guys seem to be friendly again after your night of debauchery…” he grinned suggestively and I rolled my eyes, “Are thing progressing in a romantic direction?”

“No.” I told him immediately and to my surprise, he looked crestfallen, “We’re just friends.” I assured him.

“Is that what you want or what Kit wants?” he asked.

“Kit’s a guy. He obviously wanted more but I told him no.” I said.

“You turned him down?!” he demanded in shock.

“He wanted to be fuck buddies. I didn’t. There were no hard feelings.” I explained.

“Did he say that?”

“Well not in so many words, but he’s a guy. What more could he want?”

“He could want to be in a relationship.” He said pointedly.

“What? With me? No way.” I dismissed.

“Yes way! No offense, but you can’t be that good in the sack that it was all he wanted from you.” He reasoned.

“Have you had sex with me? Its pretty great.” I grinned.

“Yeah, I bet you bang like a fairy on acid.” He teased.

“No that would be you.” I retorted.

We laughed as we walked.

“But seriously though, how do you know he didn’t want a relationship?” he asked.

“Because he is Kit Harington and I am Agnes Jones. Enough said.” I said seriously.

“Enough said? That is definitely not enough said. That is not even close to enough said!” he complained.

“What more do you want me to say James? It’s not gonna happen.” I said.

“But why?” he whined.

“You mean aside from the obvious?” I questioned.

“What obvious?”

I looked at him pointedly.

“Oh don’t tell me you don’t think your good enough for him.” He scoffed.

I didn’t want to reveal the depth of my insecurities, so I decided to make a joke of it, “Do you really think he could handle all of this?” I laughed, running a hand along my thick thighs and bulging stomach.

“Is that it? Because that’s a pretty poor excuse Nessy.” He said pointedly.

“Don’t call me that. And you know the other reasons. It’s lying at home passed out on the floor right now.” I said pointedly.

He sighed in disappointment.

“Why are you so invested?” I asked.

 “You two are like my very own star-crossed lovers sit-com.” He grinned.

I rolled my eyes, “You need to get a life.”

“Hey I have a life alright? It is filled with big gay unicorns and cosmopolitans.” He defended.

“And stalking potential love interests.” I added.

We laughed as we walked down the street together.

Maggie Mays Café was a big brown brick building at the end of the street with a chic black picket fence. I hadn’t even stepped inside and I already had judged the place as hipster that would probably serve nothing but organic greens and almond milk coffee.

Kit was waiting outside, smoking a cigarette.

“You know those things are bad for you.” Commented James.

“Oh lay off.” I said, shoving his shoulder before I turned to Kit, “He says it to me all the time too.”

Kit simply grinned as he took one long last drag before he stubbed the cigarette out on the ground and we all headed inside.

“So who is it your stalking?” asked Kit as we went and found a table.

“I’m not stalking. I’m creating opportunities.” James defended.

“He’s stalking.” I said, whispering to Kit conspiratorially.

He laughed.

“Shut up!” snapped James.

Still grinning we sat down as James craned his neck, looking around the café. Turning to Kit, I grabbed the menu and he pressed his shoulder into mine as he leaned over to look at the menu with me.

I was right about the Hipster Menu. Their all day breakfast included not one, but two different bagel options and oatmeal porridge. Their lunch menu wasn’t much better

“What in the hell is Chicken Goujons?” I asked.

“The description makes it sound like crumbed chicken.” Said Kit.

I nodded in understanding. I was a little distracted by how close Kit was to me, I could smell his unique scent of aftershave and tobacco and it was doing strange things to me. It made knots form in my stomach and made me clench my thighs together. I had to read an item on the menu several times before I could make sense of what I had actually read, I was so distracted.

“Bookmakers Sandwich? Come on!” I complained.

Kit laughed, “Just order something normal like the Beef Lasagne?”

“Oh come on, I’m in a hipster café, I have to try something different. I think I’ll go the Chicken and mushroom bake.” I replied.

He shook his head, “You make no sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you like to go to restaurants and try something different every time, but you hate it when places try to be different and creative with their food?” he asked.

“I hate it when people mess with good food. I like my food, obviously.” I said, gesturing down to my body, “You shouldn’t mess with what’s good by trying to make it different.” I told him.

He simply smiled, “I’m going to get the Peppered Chicken.” He said decidedly.

I pulled a face.

“What? You don’t approve?”

I shook my head, “You’re so boring.”

“And you’re so judgemental.” He retorted.

“Bite me.” I replied.

“I have.” He said simply.

His words made the knots in my stomach clench painfully tight as I squeezed my thighs together. But before I could grow too uncomfortable, James smacked my arm to get my attention, “Here he comes!” he hissed.

I looked up to see an attractive male, with perfectly tousled brown hair and thick, black, hipster glasses. I saw his nametag said ‘Pablo’ and I wondered if there was any chance in the world that a guy with a name like that could not possibly be gay.

“Hey James, what are you doing here?” he asked smiling brightly.

“Oh Pablo! I had no idea you worked here.” Said James just as brightly.

I let loose a short bark of laughter and tried to disguise it as a cough. James shot me an angry look as Kit patted me on the back.

“Well I’m glad you’re here.” He said.

“Yes, what a happy coincidence.” Grinned Kit.

“Oh my god!” said Pablo, as he looked at Kit, “Your Jon Snow!” he said excitedly.

“Yeah, he’s a friend of ours.” Said James smoothly.

I used the menu to hide my grin.

“What can I get you guys?” asked Pablo, seeming a little flustered.

Kit and I said our orders as James took a brief glance at the menu.

“You want something to drink?” asked Kit.

“Yeah.” I said, I opened my mouth to say my order but Kit spoke before I could.

“Can I grab a Latte and a Hot Chocolate?” he asked.

I blinked in shock as I turned to Kit, he remembered what I liked?

“I’ll have the Bolognese Chips.” Said James loudly, interrupting my train of thought, “And a soy cappuccino.”

The Bolognese Chip sounded quite good. It was basically chips served with Bolognese sauce. I would have to steal some of James chips.

“I’ll be right back with that.” Said Pablo scribbling on his note pad, smiling at James before he turned to Kit and smiled again. He then headed off towards the counter.

The moment he was out of ear shot, James turned to us anxiously, “So what do you think?”

“He seems nice.” Said Kit simply.

“He’s cute.” I smiled.

Kit whipped his head around to look at me with a strangely accusatory glance. I blinked in shock; what?

“Do you think he’s interested?” James demanded, pulling my attention back to him once more.

“I saw him for like two seconds James, what do you want from me?” I asked, mildly irritated, I didn’t like the way Kit was looking at me. It was as if I had done something to upset him and I didn’t like that.

“But he said he was happy we were here right?” asked James, “That’s a good sign right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged as I glance over at Kit. What had I done to upset him?

“You don’t just think its because Dark and Brooding is here?” asked James, gesturing to Kit.

“I’m right here you know.” Said Kit, still sounding irked.

“I don’t know.” I replied.

“Oh shush! Here he comes. Act natural!” said James, flapping his hands around momentarily in a panic before he became strangely still.

Kit busied himself with looking at his phone as I stared at him in confusion, what was his problem?

“Here you are.” Said Pablo as he handed Kit his latte and me my hot chocolate.

“Thank you.” I smiled as I pulled the drink closer to me glancing at Kit out of the corner of my eye.

“So Pablo, how long have you worked here?” asked James.

Blocking the two of them out, I focused on Kit. He had been fine two seconds ago, why was he all of a sudden so dark and broody?

Wanting to replace his signature pout with a smile, I reached up and touched the tip of my finger to his nose, making a small honking sound.

Blinking in shock he looked over at me in confusion.

I smiled in response, “You really gotta get that fixed.” I said as I reached over and pressed his nose again, making the ‘honking’ sound again.

At that he smiled, his entire body immediately relaxing as he did and I couldn’t help but grin, “Sour puss.” I commented.

“Am not.” He pouted.

“Are too.” I teased.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“I am not!”

“Oh god, just bang each other already?” interrupted James.

My face went blank with shock; did James really just say that?! Embarrassment flooded through me and I turned anxiously, expecting to see Kit pouting unhappily once more. But to my surprise, he simply smiled at James.

After that the rest of lunch went smoothly. Pablo even joined us on his break.

“We should all go out sometime.” Said James, though he said ‘we’ he only had eyes for Pablo.

“Yeah, I’d love to double date.” Smiled Pablo, turning to Kit with a smile.

Double date? That would imply that Kit and I were a couple. Which we weren’t. But Pablo obviously thought we were. I opened my mouth to correct him but Kit spoke before I could.

“Yeah there’s this place I’ve been meaning to try, we should all go next weekend.” He said, “None of my other friends want to go with me. But I’m keen, what about you guys?”

“Yeah,” smiled James.

“For sure.” Agreed Pablo.

Everyone turned to look at me with expecting eyes. In my teenage years I had always played off the effects of peer group pressure because I had never really succumbed to it. But now, with three different pairs of eyes staring and me and expecting a certain answer, I knew I couldn’t refuse, “Ok. Yeah.”

So it was settled. But I was uncomfortable and excused myself to go outside and have a cigarette. I’d barely fished my lighter out of my handbag when Kit joined me outside, leaning against the wall.

Wordlessly I handed him my lighter after I lit my cigarette.

“Thanks.” He said, his smoke dangling from his lips.

“You never have a lighter on you.” I observed.

“It’s my way of making conversation.” He said as he exhaled a plume of smoke and leaned against the wall next to me.

I nodded in understanding. I knew Kit was a little on the shy side but unlike most introverts he was constantly trying to overcome his shyness by talking to people he did not know and putting himself out there a little more.

“Speaking of conversation,” I began as the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach that had settled in ever since the mention of a ‘double date’, “We need to talk about something.”

“About what?” he asked curiously.

“This whole double date thing.” I stated.

“What about it?”

“Well,” I began, trying to play things off with a casual tone, “You know it’s not a real date right? Like you and me… we’re not, I mean, we’re not together or anything. Like, we’re not going on a date. James and Pablo are, but we’re not.” I stammered.

I knew I was babbling but I couldn’t stop myself. I was so uncomfortable. But I needed to make things clear between us.

“I know.” He said with a shrug.

I blinked in shock, well that was not the answer I had been expecting. I half thought he would tell me I was stupid and that of course we weren’t going on a date, the other half of me thought that he would insist that we were going on a date. It was a very confusing and conflicting feeling that he made completely null and void with his shockingly cavalier attitude.

“Just friends.” I clarified, staring at him intently. 

“Just friends.” He agreed.

Even though it was what I wanted to hear, a small part of me was a little disappointed to hear him say it. But I ignored that tiny part of me and instead listened to the part of me that was saying how better off the two of us would be if we were just friends. Kit especially.

“So,” I began, eager for a change of subject, “you going to tell me about this place we’re going to?”

“What place?” he asked innocently.

“The place that we are all going to next weekend. The place you wanted to go to.” I reminded him.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He said with a blank expression.

“Really?” I smiled, realizing his game, “your not going to tell me anything about where we are going?”

“Nope.” He smiled as he took a long drag on his cigarette.

“Why not?” I questioned.

“Because I want it to be a surprise.” He said simply.

“Why?”

“Because I know it’s something you’ll enjoy.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m amazingly perceptive.” He grinned.

I shook my head in amusement, “So you’re not going to give me even a hint?”

“Nope.” He said, popping the ‘p’ sound.

“How am I supposed to know what to wear?” I complained.

He was thoughtful for a moment, “Fair point.”

“Exactly! You have to give me a hint so I know how to dress.” I said as I exhaled a plume of smoke.

“Ok, well a lot of people are going to be looking at you. So dress nice.” He told me.

“Lots of people are going to be looking at me? Why?”

He shrugged his shoulders and refused to meet my eye.

“Seriously? You can’t just say people will be looking at me and not give me anything else! That’s so unfair!” I complained.

“Dress to impress. That’s all I’m saying.” He smiled.

I pouted as I leaned against the wall, “I hate surprises.” I commented.

“Yeah, I gathered that.” He retorted.

I may have hated surprises but I liked the easy banter between us.


	8. Chapter 8

I wasn’t exactly pleased to be going out in the first place, but the fact that I was going with James made it even worse because he insisted on dressing me.

No matter how many times I told him I would be fine in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but he wasn’t having it.

When he handed me a skirt I had inherited off my mother and never worn because not only was it tight, but it was decorated with rainbow coloured roses. Tight and bright were two things I didn’t do when it came to dressing myself.

I turned to look at him with a dead pan expression, “Really?”

“Ah huh.” He smiled.

I shook my head and pulled the stupid skirt on. If I wasn’t such a push over, I’d be able to stand up to him and pick my own damn outfit. But as it was, I had practically no gumption, so I let him dress me in an outfit I would never have dared to wear normally.

After the tight flower skirt, he dressed me in an equally tight, long sleeved black top and a pair of black heels. I paired it with a pair of hoop earrings and one of my favourite clutches which was a red sequined pair of lips.

James wanted to do my hair but I drew the line and pulled my hair into a low ponytail.

Arm in arm we caught an uber to the address that Kit had texted James an hour ago. James wouldn’t let me even see what the address was encase I googled it and could find out where we were going prematurely.

“You’re not the least bit curious as to where Kit is taking us tonight?” I asked as we sat in the back seat of the uber.

“Of course I’m curious. But unlike you, I love a good surprise.” He smiled.

I rolled my eyes; I hated surprises. How were you supposed to prepare for something if it was a surprise?

What if we were going roller-skating and I had worn heels and a skirt? It was absolute torture.

I tried to gage what we might be doing as the destination drew near and I began to recognize parts of town I began to hypothesize; we were in bar territory, maybe we were going on a pub crawl? Maybe we were going out clubbing again?

There was a bar around the corner that boasted thirty different types of beer, maybe we were doing a beer tasting?

Then the car came to a stop and I peered out the window, my mouth dropping in horror.

“Turn the car around. We’re going home!” I declared.

“What?” asked the driver.

“She’s joking.”

“No I’m not!”

“Get out of the car Nessy.” Said James, leaning over and opening the car door on my side.

“No. And don’t call me Nessy.” I pouted stubbornly.

“Do you guys what to go home or not?” asked the driver.

“Yes.” I said.

“No!” disagreed James before he turned to look at me seriously, “You’re going.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“You guys need to decide what you’re doing; I have another fare waiting.” Said the uber driver.

“Calm down turbo, we’ll be out in a minute.” Snapped James before he turned to look at me, “Don’t make me list the reasons of why you need to get out of this car.”

“Please do.” I said sarcastically, I was positive that he could not possibly say anything to get me out of that car and convince me to go inside.

“If you don’t go in, Kit is going to think your avoiding him.” He said simply.

I balked; except that.

My friendship with Kit was on such shaky ground that I couldn’t afford to rebuff his attempts at bringing together.

Grumbling unhappily, I climbed out of the car and marched inside the establishment.

Pablo was already inside and I slid into the booth opposite him, folded my arms and pouted unhappily, wishing desperately that I was somewhere else.

If James and Pablo found my dark mood irritating, they didn’t show it as the two of them sat there flirting with one another.

I was so focused on maintaining my glowering mood that I didn’t even notice when Kit walked in the door, not until he came down and sat next to me.

“Hey everyone.” He greeted.

“Kit, you’re here.” Smiled Pablo.

He smiled before he turned to me, “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Sour puss over there hates karaoke.” Grinned James.

I didn’t respond as I ground my teeth together.

“Why do you hate karaoke?” asked Kit, turning to look at me with amusement.

I didn’t trust myself to speak, I might let loose a tirade of insults that I couldn’t take back and I didn’t want to do that. So I just stayed silent.

“Oh come on. You can’t be that mad. Who hates karaoke?” he asked.

“I have no problem with watching karaoke. I hate doing it.” I explained through gritted teeth, “And I know the reason we are here is because you want me to get up there and sing.”

“You say that as if it would be the worst thing in the world.” He commented.

I didn’t reply; for me, it would be.

“How about I get us some drinks? First rounds on me.” Kit declared suddenly.

“I’ll have a cosmopolitan.” Said James.

“I’ll have a grasshopper.” Said Pablo.

“Agnes, what do you want?” asked Kit.

“Gin and tonic. Lots of gin. Actually get me a Gin and tonic with a shot of vodka.” I replied.

The only way I was going to be able to get through tonight was if I was drunk. Though I knew I needed to be careful to not get so drunk in that I would throw myself at Kit again. But I defiantly needed a lot of alcohol and I needed it now if I was ever going to be able to loosen up in an environment that made me so uncomfortable.

I was still fuming by the time Kit came back with our drinks.

I took my drink from him and downed my shot quickly before I took a sip from my drink. I hated the taste of vodka, though tonight, I was not adverse to the affect it would have.

“So you’re not going to get up there?” asked Kit, gesturing to the stage, where a man was singing a Celine Dion song very loudly and very out of tune.

“Not on your life.” I said simply as I took another sip of my drink.

“You know the whole point of us coming here was so I could hear you sing.” He said pointedly.

“It’s not gonna happen.” I said as I took another sip of my drink.

“I’ll get up there if you do.” He bargained.

“Well now you have to!” interrupted Pablo.

“Agreed. Do you know how much money I could make selling a video of Jon Snow singing his heart out to Taylor Swift?” asked James.

“I’m more of a Queen fan.” Replied Kit.

At that, I actually cracked a smile as I took another sip from my drink. I was beginning to feel a little buzzed.

“Why don’t you like doing karaoke?” asked Pablo curiously.

I didn’t even get a chance to reply because James did the talking for me, “Well, Nessy here wanted to become a professional singer, once upon a time.”

“Don’t call me Nessy.” I said pointedly.

“Wow. Why didn’t you?” asked Pablo, turning to face me.

I shrugged, as if it was no big deal that I had given up on my dream, “Things didn’t work out.”

“Things didn’t work out and she’s bitter. She can’t even watch X-Factor let alone do some karaoke.” Said James in a matter of fact tone, “She doesn’t like to see other people living her dream.”

“Thank you James, for close-captioning my pain.” I said sarcastically.

“Your welcome Nessy.” He smiled.

I ground my teeth together and took a large gulp of my drink.

“Don’t be bitter Ness. It doesn’t suite you.” Said Pablo seriously.

I rolled my eyes in response.

“You know this could actually be some really good therapy for you if you think about it.” Commented Kit lightly as he took a sip from his beer.

My facial expression showed exactly what I thought of that idea and Kit laughed in response, “Ok, I’ll tell you what,” he began, shifting in his seat so he could turn to look at me, “You get up there,” he said, gesturing to the stage, “And sing one song. Then we can go.” He bargained.

I blinked in shock, it was a hard bargain but it was one I was seriously considering if it meant I didn’t have to listen to one more person murder a classic song.

But something suddenly occurred to me. That as uncomfortable as I was in being in this room, Kit would be far more uncomfortable if he was suddenly thrust into the spotlight and at the mercy of every Game of Thrones fan in the bar.

“You first.” I challenged.

He stared at me, long and hard for a moment and I knew I had won. He wasn’t going to get up there and neither was I. Check-mate.

But then, he got an oddly determined look in his eyes. Grabbing his drink he took a massive gulp of it before he slid out of the booth and headed towards the stage.

My eyes widened in shock; he wasn’t!

He stepped up onto the stage and grabbed the microphone.

Holy shit he was!

Despite being an actor, I knew that Kit didn’t actually relish being in the spotlight. When he wasn’t working, he liked to be as conspicuous as possible. He also had a fragile sense of self confidence, he was always doubting himself and didn’t really believe any of the praise he got, choosing instead to focus on the bad.

Never, in a million years, would I have dreamed he would put himself in not only a position to be noticed, but in one to be mocked.  

The atmosphere in the karaoke bar immediately lifted as people gasped in shock to see Kit standing on stage.  Several people had already whipped out their phones, James included and were recording him.

“He’s not actually going to do it is he?” asked Pablo.

I shook my head. I was still doubting he was going to sing, even as the opening notes of Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ began to play.

Locking eyes with me, he seemed determined to not only prove me wrong but to get me to sing as well. I let him know that it was never going to happen with my smug smile.

“Mumma… I just killed a man…” he sung, very loudly and very off key.

I blinked in shock; no way!

“Wow!” said Pablo, staring up at the stage in shock.

Though I was pretty sure no one in the room was more shocked than me.

“Put a gun against his head… pulled my trigger now he’s dead…”

This wasn’t happening. There was no way this had backfired on me and was actually happening!

“Ness, I think that guys in love with you.” Commented James as he continued to film Kit with his phone.

I frowned in confusion, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, he’s standing up there, making a fool of himself so a, you’ll be more comfortable. And b, just so he can hear you sing.” He said pointedly, “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

I sat there feeling shell shocked for the rest of the song.

When he finished the crowd cheered and he ducked his head and quickly rushed back to our table, coming to sit down next to me once more with an oddly triumphant smile.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I was too shocked to do anything.

“Well? Deals a deal Ness.” Said James interrupting my stunned silence, “Get up there.”

I blinked several times, this could not be happening to me.

Turning to Kit I saw that he was smiling a very challenging smile and I knew I had no choice, “Fine!” I snapped.

Grabbing my drink I slammed it down in one gulp before I stood up so abruptly I nearly knocked over my chair. Walking around the table, I grabbed James’s hand and hauled him to his feet.

“Your coming too.” I said, in a tone that invited no argument.

“Me? Why?” he asked.

“So I can make sure you don’t record this.” I said as I dragged him up to the stage after me.

“Only if I get to pick the song.” He bargained.

I rolled my eyes, feeling a little like I was making a deal with the devil, I let him go through the songs and select one.

As the opening notes of the song began to play, I turned to look at the table to see Kit had his phone out and was recording us.

I unceremoniously flipped him off before I turned to the screen and waited for the words to light up that would indicate that it was time for me to sing.

“I found myself dreaming… In silver and gold… Like a scene from a movie… That every broken heart knows…” I sung, reading the words from the monitor, I was a little hesitant because it had been so long since I’d sung in public, “We were walking on moonlight… And you pulled me close… Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone…”

I took the little break in the music I had to try and relax. I was never going to be able to sing well if I didn’t. Nodding my head along to the music, I began to get into the beat, “I woke up in tears, with you by my side… A breath of relief, and I realized… No, we're not promised tomorrow…”

I looked up at my lashes to Kit sitting at the table, smiling so broadly and happily that I couldn’t help but smile back as I sung the chorus, “So I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you…I'm gonna hold you…Like I'm saying goodbye…”

As I did a small musical rift I heard Kit cheer.

“Wherever we're standing… I won't take you for granted… 'cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you… I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you…” I sung smiling to myself at just how good it felt to be singing again as I turned to James as he began to sing.

“In the blink of an eye… Just a whisper of smoke… You could lose everything, the truth is you never know…” he sung, keeping his eyes closed most of the time before he turned to me with a smile and I couldn’t help but smile back, “So I'll kiss you longer baby… Any chance that I get… I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets…”

I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to be singing in front of a crowd again. Looking out into the audience I could see everyone was watching us, similar smiles of enjoyment on their faces. All of them listening and getting lost in the music.

“Let's take our time, to say what we want, use what we got, before it's all gone… 'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow…” he sung, a smile coming onto his face.

We locked eyes and smiled at one another as we sung together, “So I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you… I'm gonna hold you…Like I'm saying goodbye… wherever we're standing… I won't take you for granted… 'cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you…Like I'm gonna lose you… I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you…”

James and I had sung together a million times and we knew how to harmonize perfectly together. The sound we made together made me smile and I looked out at Kit again as their was a musical break and I beamed at him, so grateful that he had made me get up here and do this.

With that in mind, I gave it my all as we sung the last chorus.

“I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you… I'm gonna hold you… Like I'm saying goodbye… Wherever we're standing… I won't take you for granted… 'cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time… So I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you… I'm gonna love you… Like I'm gonna lose you…”

As we finished singing the whole bar cheered.

I did a little bow of my head as I smiled while James swept his arm forward and bowed grandly. People were still clapping as we made our way back to our table and sat down.

Kit watched me as I sat down with a surprisingly pleasant smile, “That was amazing.” He told me and I didn’t doubt the sincerity in his voice.

“Well you were a tough act to follow.” I allowed with a smile of my own.

“You sounded great.” He said seriously.

“Thank you.” I smiled, though I had a good singing voice, it was nice to hear him say so.

“If I had a voice like that I would be singing all the time.” Said Pablo.

“Well get on up there!” encouraged James, “Show us what you got.”

Pablo didn’t need as nearly as much convincing as I did. He got up and did a very nice sounding rendition of Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’.

“I don’t know if we’re going to work out.” Said James while Pablo was singing.

“Why?” I asked.

“He seems nice.” Commented Kit.

“Well, I’m team Taylor and he is obviously team Katy.” He said pointedly.

Kit snorted in derision and I rolled my eyes, “You’re the modern day Romeo and Juliet.” I said sarcastically.

James made a kiss face at me before he went back to watching Pablo sing.

The drinks flowed freely after that as we talked about music and any other topic that came to mind.

After getting off to a roaring start, I began to pace myself with ciders instead of liquors. But by the time the bar shut at the ripe old time of ten, I was feeling a little tipsy.

So, tipsy that it didn’t bother me when Kit threw his arm over my shoulders as we walked down the street, intent on finding another bar to drink at. Nor when he pulled me close and pressed his lips to my temple.

Instead I was smiling like an idiot and enjoying the smell of his aftershave.

“You were great up there tonight.” He told me as we walked.

“Thanks.” I smiled before I looked up at him, “I wish I could say the same about you.” I grinned teasingly.

“Ouch.” He said in mock hurt before he laughed.

I joined him and we walked in silence for a few steps, James and Pablo ahead of us, discussing which bar we should go to next.

“You look really great tonight as well.” He said suddenly.

In hind sight, that should have thrown up some red flags, but to my tipsy brain, sounding great up on stage and looking great seemed like a natural progression in conversation.

“You smell great.” I told him with a laugh.

He laughed too and pulled me closer to him again, pressing his lips to my temple once more.

I closed my eyes and smiled at the feeling as I wrapped my arms around his middle in an awkward side hug as we walked. He really did have great lips…

But suddenly I wasn’t paying enough attention to where I was going, to distracted by the feel of his lips on my skin and I wedged the bottom of my stiletto heel into a crack in the side walk. As I made to step forward, the shoe stayed behind and I stumbled to the ground, catching myself on my hands before I could do any serious damage.

“Whoa! You alright?” asked Kit in concern, reaching down to help me up.

But I couldn’t get up. I was too busy laughing, “I lost my shoe!” I giggled.

Kit shook his head in amusement.

“Hey, is everything ok back there?” called Pablo.

“Yeah.” Called Kit, “Go ahead, we’ll catch up.” He assured them.

It was at least a solid minute before I could stop laughing as Kit turned around to collect my shoe from the side walk. I knew I must have looked like an absolute klutz and a drunken mess, sitting on the side walk laughing to myself, but I didn’t care and Kit didn’t seem to either as he crouched down with my heel in his hand and gestured to my bare foot, “May I?” he asked with an amused grin.

“Oh my prince has come!” I giggled, “If the shoe fits, will you marry me?” I asked, fluttering my eyelids dramatically as I continued to laugh.

“Of course.” He smiled as he very gently grabbed my foot and placed it back into the heel before he straightened up, offering me his hand, “Come on Cinderella.”

I placed my hand in his and let him haul me off the ground. But he pulled so quickly and with such force that I stumbled closer to him, nearly falling out of my shoes once more that made me dissolve into a fit of giggles once more.

I was so busy giggling that I didn’t notice how close we were, that my chest was pressing into his chest and that as I stood, his arms circled around me, resting on my lower back and holding me to him.

I was still laughing when he leaned his head down, for some reason I thought he was going to whisper something like ‘bippidy, boppody, boo’, but instead he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

I wasn’t laughing anymore.

I felt as if an ice-cold bucket of water had been thrown on me as I stood there absolutely frozen with shock. I may have had the tipsy giggles before but I was stone cold sober now and I felt everything.

I felt the way his lips curved against mine, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, begging for permission to enter. I felt his hands on my back pressing me closer to him so I could practically feel the muscles of his chest through our clothing.

I felt everything and it all felt amazing. But my brain was screaming at me ‘no’ and the moment I was able to gain control of myself, I pulled back to look at him in alarm.

“Kit, we can’t.” I said seriously.

“Yes, we can.” He insisted as he leaned forward to try and capture my lips once more but I leaned away from him.

His hands fell from my back and he stared at me as if I had slapped him.

Unable to take his gaze, I turned away and we stood there awkwardly.

“Why?” he demanded, his voice cold.

I turned to look at him reluctantly, “because we’re friends.” I said immediately.

He shook his head, “That’s not a good enough reason.”

I looked at him in shock, now it was my turn to look like the one who had just been slapped.

“What I feel for you is more than friendship. And I know you feel it too.” He said seriously.

I shook my head and turned away from him, “I’m not having this conversation.” I muttered darkly.

But before I could take even one step away from him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him, “Tell me the truth.” He said seriously, “Tell me you don’t feel the same way.” He demanded.

“I don’t feel the same way.” I lied immediately.

“Liar.” He snapped.

“What is your problem?” I demanded as I ripped my hand from his, rounding on him furiously.

“My problem is you! You’re an amazing girl who I want to be with and for some unfathomable reason, you won’t let yourself be with me and I want to know why.” He said angrily.

“Did it ever occur to you that my life isn’t as simple as yours?” I snapped, “That I don’t just get to go out and do whatever makes me happy?” I demanded.

He shook his head, seeming too angry to speak, “First it was your mother stopping you from singing. Now what is it stopping you from being with me? Your dad?”

I didn’t justify his question with an answer as I glared at him. I didn’t need to answer. We both knew what the truth was, it didn’t need to be said.

“You can’t keep putting everyone else before yourself. Think of yourself for once!” He said seriously.

“I can’t do that! What about that is so hard for you to understand?” I fired back.

“Hey!” interrupted a voice.

I turned to see James and Pablo standing behind us, both of them looking shocked and confused.

“What’s going on here?” demanded Pablo.

“Nothing.” I snapped glaring at Kit for a moment who glared back, “I’m going home.” I announced before I turned on my heel and made to cross the road.

“Agnes,” pleaded Kit, but I ignored him.

What else could he possibly have to say to me that he hadn’t said already?

I could hear the boys discussing something behind me, but I didn’t listen as I began walking across the road.

“Ness! Wait up!” called James.

I didn’t turn around as I waited for a car to pass, just as James came to my side. We didn’t speak as we crossed the road and headed up a darkened street. Anger radiated off me, I was so furious that I was walking far quicker than I should have been in those heels.

“Do you even know where your going? Or are you going to walk the whole way home?” James asked after a moment.

Coming to a stop I finally took stock of my surroundings and realized I had no idea where I was. I hadn’t really been set on any destination other than ‘away from Kit’, but now it seemed that I had achieved that goal and needed to set a new one.

Whipping out my phone, I requested and uber and the two of us stood in silence waiting for it to arrive.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked as the awkward silence stretched on.

“Nope.” I said popping the ‘p’ sound as I stared down at my phone, watching as the uber driver took a wrong turn.

“Fair enough.” He said sounding satisfied.

James was my best friend. He knew when to question me and when not to. Tonight he obviously knew pushing me for information would get him nowhere. I knew I couldn’t get away with not explaining to him what had happened for long. But at least I had tonight as a cooling off period. I was thankful for that at least. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

I started avoiding the gym again, going in the evenings instead of the morning to avoid Kit.

It was actually lucky that I switched my gym routine to nights because about a week after my incident with Kit, I got a phone call just as I hopped out of the shower.

“Hello, is this Agnes Jones?” asked an unfamiliar, yet strangely formal voice.

“Speaking.” I said as I pushed some of wet red hair from my forehead.

“Miss Jones this is Sargent Frasier here from the Belfast police force,” he said.

My face dropped, the police were calling me; whatever the reason, it couldn’t be good.

“A complaint was made about your father this afternoon and we unfortunately had to arrest him.” He explained.

I groaned inwardly.

“We’ve held him here for the past six hours to get him to sober up a little. He is unfortunately going to be charged with drunken misconduct and resisting arrest.” He said, “Because this is a first offense he’s being fined. But if it happens again, he’ll be facing jail time. He attempted to hit an officer while we were trying to apprehend him.”

At that I did groan out loud.

“We’re just finishing up processing him if you’d like to come pick him up.” He said.

“Yeah,” I sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted, “I’ll be right there.”

Silently fuming with anger, I got dressed and headed over to the police station. Going to the counter I told them who I was there for, then I waited, arms folded across my chest for them to bring out my father.

His hair was messy and his clothes were wrinkled, but when he saw me, he smiled, “Nessy.”

I didn’t respond as he made his way over to me, I simply pursed my lips unhappily.

“Give me a hug.” He said as he opened his arms up wide.

“Don’t.” I snapped, I was not in the mood.

His arms fell but he continued to smile, “Thanks for springing from-” he began but I cut him off.

“Jail Dad, really?” I demanded, the outrage showing in my voice, “it’s not enough you spend half your time drunk but now you have to go and get arrested while you’re doing it?” I hissed.

I was furious. I had thought, after all this time that his drinking might slow down and that he would get sober on his own terms, but it seemed like it was getting worse. I’d gone from picking him up from being passed out in bars, to picking him up from the police station with assault charges.

“You know they’re going to charge you with assault, right?” I demanded, hoping that it would somehow make him see the severity of the situation.

“It was nothing. Really.” He dismissed.

I shook my head and bit my lip against releasing the tirade of insults and abuse I wanted to shout at him. Instead I turned on my heel and headed out the door with him following close behind.

I’d managed to get a parking spot right out front of the station and I immediately went over to my car and reefed open the passenger door, “Get in.” I snapped.

For once, he had the decorum to stay silent as he ducked his head and climbed in the car.

I slammed the door behind him, letting out all of my frustration on the door of my car. As I did, I happened to glance up over the roof of my car and look across the street. It was that age old saying that if you looked at someone long enough, eventually they would look at you. And someone was looking at me.

Kit was standing outside the front of a restaurant having a smoke with Alfie Allen by the looks of it, watching me, with dark hooded eyes and a surely expression. 

I froze in place for a moment as my stomach clenched and my heart leapt into my throat. I didn’t know how long he had been standing there watching me but he had probably seen me come out of the police station with my father.

Well that was embarrassing. The first time I see him after our argument and not only was I wearing gym clothes, but I was picking up my father from jail. Awesome.

Putting my head down, I didn’t react, though I knew he knew that I saw him. Walking around to the driver’s side of the car and reefed open my door. I felt his eyes on me the entire time but I didn’t dare look up as I put my seat belt on and fumbled with my keys in the ignition.

Eventually I started the car and I peeled out of there far faster than anyone should when there were so many cops around.

As we sped away, I released a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. That had been intense.

…

For his part, Kit had only sent me one text the morning after our fight that read: we need to talk.

Apart from that there had been no other kind of contact until I saw him watching me from across the street.

But I didn’t want to talk, not to him at least.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone but I needed to because what Kit had said had gotten under my skin. It was festering and boiling just beneath the surface and I needed to talk about it with someone.

Obviously, Kit was out, though that had been my first instinct. Before any of this craziness had happened, he had been my friend. Someone who I could talk to and who could offer me advice. But not this time.

My second thought had been to go to James, but I knew he would agree with Kit.

I needed someone with an unbiased opinion. Someone who could see both sides of the argument.

It was only once I was sitting in the chair in my therapist’s office did it occur to me that I could talk to him.

“Every week you come and sit on the couch and you don’t say anything. No one is making you come so I know you want to be here. And every technique in the book tells me that I have to wait for you to speak. So its ok. I can wait.” said Dr. Mathias simply.

“There is actually something I want to talk about this week.” I said, startling not only him, but myself.

“Good. Tell me all about it and we’ll see if I can help.” He said.

I resisted the urge to tell him that it was his job to help, so there was really no ‘see’ about it. But I knew being clever wasn’t going to help me so I simply told him my situation.

“For a long time now, I’ve denied myself pretty much everything I’ve wanted. First it was to look after my mother…” I began.

“And now to look after your father.” He finished.

I nodded, “I never thought of it as much of a sacrifice but then I met this guy. Who I really like. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s charismatic and really listens to me. I always have a good time when I’m with him.”

“Sounds like a great guy.” He commented.

“He is.” I agreed, there was no denying that fact, “And about ten days ago, he told me that he wants to be with me.”

“Well that’s great news.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Why?”

“Because I told him we can’t be together.”

“And why did you tell him that?” he asked me kindly.

“Because, I’m always looking after my dad. I don’t have time to have a boyfriend. My focus is on getting him better.” I explained.

“So what’s your question?”

That stopped me for a moment, what was my question?

“I don’t know.” I said honestly, “I guess I’ve just been thinking about it lately. Wondering if it was the right thing to do.”

“Hmm.” Said Dr. Mathias, looking thoughtful for a moment, “Do you mind if I tell you a story?” he asked suddenly.

I blinked in shock; a story? How was that going to help me?

“Sure, why not.” I sighed, figuring I had nothing to lose.

Clearing his throat, the doctor began, “Once upon a time, there lived a big apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it every day. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow… He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by, the little boy grew, and he no longer played around the tree.”

“Ok?” I asked.

“One day, the boy came back to the tree with a sad look on his face. ‘Come and play with me,’ the tree asked the boy. ‘I am no longer a kid; I don’t play around trees anymore. I want toys. I need money to buy them.’ Replied the boy. ‘You can pick all my apples and sell them so you will have money.’ Said the tree. So the boy picked all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy didn’t come back. The tree was sad.” He said.  

“Where are you going with this Doc?” I asked.

“Stay with me.” He assured me.

Sighing, I waited in what I hoped was not a sarcastic manner for him to continue the story.

“One day, the boy grew into a man and returned. The tree was so excited. ‘Come and play with me,’ the tree said. ‘I don’t have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?’ said the man, ‘You can chop off my branches to build your house.’ Said the tree. So the man cut all the branches off the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn’t come back afterward. The tree was again lonely and sad.” Said Dr. Mathias.

“This story needs more dragons.” I commented.

He looked at me sharply for a moment before he continued, “One day, the man returned, he was much older now and the tree was delighted. ‘Come and play with me!’ The tree said. ‘I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?’ asked the old man. ‘Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.’ So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and didn’t come back for a long time. And the tree was left as nothing but a stump because it had given all that it could give to the little boy it loved.” 

“And?” I encouraged.

“That’s it.” He shrugged.

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s a stupid story.” I snorted.

“Well it depends what you take from it.” He stated.

“What did I take from it?” I asked in confusion.

“Yes, what impression did it leave.” He prompted.

“That the boy was a manipulative little shit that used the tree.” I said flatly.

He nodded, as if this was the answer he expected, “What about the tree though?”

“What about the tree?”

“You don’t think the tree let itself get used and ultimately it destroyed itself?”

“I feel like you’re trying to slow walk me to a conclusion. Would you mind just jumping to it?” I asked.

Dr. Mathias sighed, “The point of the story is that the tree kept doing whatever it took to make the boy happy and the boy never appreciated it.”

I nodded thoughtfully as I tried to see the double meaning behind his words and how they related back to my situation, “So your saying that I shouldn’t try to help my father?”

“No.” he corrected, “I’m saying that you should help your father because you love him. Like the tree loved the little boy.”

“I’m confused.” I stated.

“The problem with the tree was that the little boy it knew no longer existed and that it kept trying to help the man to get back the little boy who was never going to come back.” He told me.

I was beginning to get the reasoning behind his words now and I wasn’t liking what I was hearing.

“It’s good to help people. But at a certain point you have to question why you are doing it and if it is working. You need to decide when to accept that the little boy is not coming back or you’ll end up a stump.” He said seriously.

“You see, this is why I don’t talk to you, your crazier than I am.” I dismissed, “That was not helpful.”

But it was.

…

All day while I was at work, Dr. Mathias’s story played in my mind.

I understood the metaphor; I was the tree, giving up everything I had to help my father, who was the little boy.

The doctor had posed the question to me at what point did I give up too much? At what point did I need to accept that my father, the one I knew and loved, was not going to come back and that he would remain a drunk forever?

How much more would I give up in order to cling to that dream? What more would it cost me? Would I become a stump just like the giving tree, forever waiting for my father, the little boy, to come and play with me once more?

I’d given up my life back in Australia, my friends, my family, everything that I had come to know and love to come to Belfast and take care of him.

But this problem went back further than that. I’d done it for my mother too.

I’d given up my education and my dream to try and make her better so she would once again be the mother that I knew. But that didn’t work either.

And now I had a guy, a great guy, who I cared deeply for. Possibly even loved. Who knew everything about me and all the baggage that came with me, and still, he wanted to be with me. Was I going to give that up too?

I still didn’t have an answer for that when I got home that night.

Stepping inside I closed the door and went into the kitchen. I’d just placed my keys on the counter when I saw my father, bottle still in hand, passed out on the floor.

This was not what I needed right now.

I didn’t need the aggravation and effort it would take to haul him over to the couch. I couldn’t do it. I was not only emotionally exhausted from my session with Dr. Mathias but I was physically exhausted, work had been long and in an effort to get my mind off things, I’d over done it at the gym. Now my muscles and head ached and I couldn’t be bothered getting my drunk father up from the floor.

“Dad.” I said as I went and stood over him.

He didn’t stir.

“Dad.” I said a little more loudly, nudging him with my foot, “Come on Dad, you have to get up.”

He didn’t move but continued to snore away on the floor.

“Dad, get up.” I said a little louder.

He still didn’t move.

“Dad get up!” I yelled.

I was suddenly desperate for him to get up off the floor. For him to show some signs of life and that he was still my father and not a drunk passed out on the kitchen floor.

Getting down on the floor I began to shake his shoulder, “Get up! Dad! Get up!” I practically screamed.

I don’t know when it started but suddenly tears were streamed down my face as I pushed and shoved at him still screaming for him to get up. But he didn’t. Instead he simply grumbled something in his sleep before he went back snoring obliviously.

I sat there on the floor feeling suddenly broken as I realized that I didn’t recognize the man on the floor. I had given up everything for a man that would not even give up alcohol for me.

Sniffing back my tears I stood up, feeling suddenly filled with a fierce determination that I didn’t know I possessed. In that moment, I realized I was done.

I was not going to keep giving up things that I wanted for the sake of someone else. I was not going to become a stump with no dreams and no one left to love. For so many years I’d been looking after so many different people. All but one; myself. And I wasn’t going to do it anymore. Instead I was going to go out and get what I wanted.

Turning around, I snatched my keys off the kitchen counter; I couldn’t be there anymore. I couldn’t be in the same house as him, the broken man who would never be my father again. I couldn’t stand it.

I was in such a hurry to get out of there that it took me several tries to open the front door. It took me even longer still to concentrate enough to get my car started, then to try and see through my tears in order to drive.

What I was doing was dangerous, I knew that. I was not in an emotionally fit state to drive as sob after sob racked through my body. I could barely see through my tears and as it started to rain, I knew I needed to call someone to come and get me or I was going to have an accident.

Pulling over onto the side of the road, I rested my head against the steering wheel and cried.

I cried so hard that my shoulders shook, but even as I struggled to breathe, I couldn’t stop. As I cried, I got angry. I began to slam my hands against the steering wheel as I thought of everything that I had given up that I could no longer get back; my education, my dreams, my life in Australia, my job and a man who I could have possibly loved…

No. I hadn’t given him up. Not yet.

Fighting back tears I leaned over and found my handbag on the floor of the passenger side seat. I fumbled around for a moment trying to find my phone. Once I did I straightened up. Wiping the tears away on my cheeks impatiently, I tapped at the screen furiously until I found the number I wanted.

Pressing it to my ear, I heard it ring once, twice…

‘Pick up,’ I silently begged in my head, ‘please pick up.’

Third ring, fourth ring…

“Agnes?”

I was so relieved to hear his voice that another sob racked through my body before I could stop it.

“Kit.” I sobbed, barely able to get the word out as I cried.

“What’s the matter?” He said suddenly sounding concerned and panicked at the same time.

I sobbed again as I desperately tried to form a coherent sentence, “I need you.” I managed to sob.

“Where are you?” he demanded. He didn’t hesitate for even a second.

Given our last exchange, I thought he would. I thought he wouldn’t even pick up the phone. And even if he did, surely he would simply hang up on me when I asked for his help. But he didn’t.

I had no idea what he was doing or how important it might be to him, but there was not a hint of regret or hesitation as he told me he was coming to get me.

As the rain poured and I sat in my car, my cries receded and the tears dried on my cheeks. I knew I had made the right decision. That didn’t make the pain I was feeling any less, but it began to settle in my chest and no longer cripple me.

I had made the right decision. I repeated it over and over again like a mantra in my head until I believed it.

A fact that was confirmed the moment I saw a pair of headlights flash around the corner of the road and pull up behind me.

Opening my car door, I stepped outside into the pouring rain just as the door to the drivers side of the car behind me opened.

I could barely make out who it was, given the glare of his headlights, but I knew, somehow I knew it was him. Who else would it be?

I practically ran over to him. He’d barely taken two steps towards me when I threw my arms around his neck and hugged myself to him. He wrapped his arms around my back and crushed me to him, lifting me off the ground slightly as he did.

In that moment it didn’t matter that it was raining or that we were out in the middle of some road in Belfast. It didn’t matter that I had given up my dream and that I had given up on my father. All that mattered was that he was here, with me.

Pulling back to look at him, he placed me gently on the ground as he looked down at me with concerned eyes. But there was something else behind them. Something I couldn’t identify until now; adoration.

Even though my eyes were puffy and my cheeks were red, my clothes were sticking to me and I probably resembled a drown rat, he was looking at me with complete and utter adoration.

I didn’t hesitate to lean up and up the side of his face, that had grown slightly slick in the rain. I had just enough time to register he had leaned his head into my hand before I pressed up on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips to his.

It was everything a kiss in the rain should be.

Even though the two of us had taken so many paths to try and avoid this outcome, it seemed everything had been leading up to this moment.

Despite the heavy rain seeping into mine and no doubt his clothes, I felt warm. Warmer than I had been in a long time.

I kissed him with everything I had and he kissed me back just as ardently.


	10. Chapter 10

On the drive back to the hotel, Kit cranked the heating up and I told him everything that had happened over the past ten days.

How my father had been arrested, how I’d spoken to my Doctor and what he had told me, how I’d gone home and desperately tried to rouse my drunken father from his sleep, but it was to no avail.

Kit stayed silent the whole time, just listening to me talk. By the end of it I was crying again and he reached out and took my hand, squeezing it in a comforting gesture as he drove. I dried my tears quickly after that. I could not spend the whole night crying. I’d cried enough.

As we stepped inside Kit’s hotel room, I was shivering from the cold. I stood awkwardly in the doorway as he ducked into the bathroom and produced a towel.

Even though he was just as wet and probably cold as I was, he proceeded to wrap the towel around my shoulders and rub at my arms in an attempt to warm me up. I couldn’t help but smile at the loving and caring gesture and he smiled back, seeming wistful.

“Feeling better?” he asked as he peered down at me.

“Much.” I assured him and I really was. Being here with him, it felt right.

He nodded before he began to dry his hair with his own towel and we stepped a little more into his hotel room.

I hadn’t really taken the time to look around his room the last time I was here, but I was surprised by how large and spacious it was. Not only did it have room for a desk but also a double bed.

My eyes lingered on the bed and I remembered waking up next to him. Images from that night forced themselves into my mind and a series of knots formed in my stomach.

“I can get house keeping to put your clothes in the dryer if you want to wear something of mine.” He said suddenly as he threw his towel onto the desk carelessly, kicking off his shoes as he did.

I nodded as an idea formed in my head. He obviously had no plans to do anything besides get changed, get warmed up and go to bed. I however, did have other plans. Other wants that made themselves known the moment I saw his bed.

Dropping the towel next to Kit’s on the desk, I kicked off my shoes and I waited until Kit had the desks phone in his hand and was busy dialling a number before I undid the button on my jeans and put them on the floor. He still didn’t look up so I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up over my head and threw it onto the desk to catch his attention.

He looked up, seeming startled for a moment before he took in the sight of me standing in nothing but my underwear.

A hungry look came into his eyes as he very carefully placed the phone down back on the receiver and stalked towards me, with a rather predatory feel to his walk.

He came to stop just in front of me as his eyes travelled the length of my body before they met mine, they had darkened considerably with lust and I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his in a passionate kiss, curving my body into his as his hands slid down the length of my figure, coming to rest on my hips. When I felt the knots in my stomach tighten I slid my hands down the front of his chest and with slightly shaking fingers, undid the first button of his shirt.

As I did he pulled back to look at me, his forehead pressing into mine. His lips were parted as he breathed heavily, his bottom lip jutting out slightly, as he watched me intently.

Biting my lip as determination flared through me and I slid my fingers down, undoing each of the buttons of his shirt before pulling it out from being tucked into his jeans. I let my fingertips brush the exposed skin of his chest. I felt his body tense beneath my hands as I pushed the dripping wet shirt off his shoulders.

So far, I was leading everything, I was doing everything and I needed some sign of encouragement from him that this was what he wanted. As if reading my mind, he pulled his arms out of his shirt and discarded it on the floor.

The moment his arms were free he wrapped them around my middle and captured my lips with his once more. I gripped his shoulders for balance as I suddenly felt unsteady on my feet as his tongue met mine. I felt his hands slide down his back and caressed my backside through the material of my underwear.

For someone who wasn’t that comfortable with their body, I was suddenly impatient to be naked. His lips went to my neck and I felt the knots of desire clench painfully.

The feel of his lips and his facial hair on my neck made an involuntary moan sound in the back of my throat and my underwear began to feel uncomfortable. Restricting almost. But I could feel the material of his jeans against my bare legs and I reached down between us to undo the button and pull down the zipper as he continued to work on my neck.

Pulling back, he stepped out of his jeans, keeping his brown eyes on me. I stepped away, releasing all of him but his hand, I lead him over to the bed.

I was captivated with how his brown eyes never left mine, as if they were devouring every part of me. Even as I laid down on the bed and I pulled him down on top of me, his brown eyes stayed on mine as he supported himself, hovering above me.

He seemed to be searching for something in my eyes, as I reached up and cupped the side of his face, he just looked so lovely staring down at me. In that moment he seemed to decide something because when he leaned down and kissed me, it was with a renewed hunger that made me breathless.

His body pressed into mine and he bit down on my bottom lip. I closed my eyes as he trailed kisses down my neck and between my breast. I gasped as his pulled down the cup of my bra and lips closed around my nipple.

I felt the knots in my stomach clenched so painfully that I cried out. I felt his tongue circle my nipple before his teeth pulled gently and I felt a bolt of desire shoot down to my groin.

Unable to take much more I locked my hands in his hair and dragged him away from my breasts and caught his lips with mine once more. He kissed me hungrily as his hand came up to palm my breast, his fingers captured my already teased nipple for a moment, causing me to pull away from him as I gasped in pleasure.

His lips went straight to my neck as his hand trailed down my body and stopped at the line of my underwear. There were too many things to focus on, his lips on my neck, his body pressing into mine, the knots in my stomach as his hand slipped inside my underwear and he dipped his thumb inside me.

I clenched his shoulders tightly, digging my nails in as I made a strange sound in the back of my throat. Kit seemed more affected as he dropped his head down onto the bed by my shoulder, groaning as he did, almost in defeat. He raised his head to look at me as he pushed his finger inside of me, I closed my eyes as my mouth dropped open and I gasped, arching my back off the bed in response. The feel of his finer inside me, made me long for something more.

The feel of his fingers inside me just wasn’t enough. Even though I could feel the pleasure building, I need more. I didn’t trust myself to speak so I simply took my hand away from his shoulder and trailed it down his body until I felt the elastic of his underwear. I could feel he was hard and I caressed him through his boxers.

His mouth came down on mine then, quite forcefully as he shifted so that he was more on top of me. Pulling his fingers from me, he wrapped hand around my underwear and pulled them off me.

I felt him reached down between us as he poised himself at my entrance, his dark eyes locked with mine as I felt my entire body tense as he slowly pushed inside of me.

I gasped and dug my nails into his shoulder once more. I knew I was gripping him tightly and probably digging my nails in far too deep, but the feel of him sinking, fully inside me was too much to bare.

I had barely enough time to gasp before kissed me in a hungry way, his jaw taunt as he slowly pulled out. He moaned against my mouth as he pushed back in and I felt that full feeling that caused a lump in my throat.

As Kit’s lips went to my neck, I made a strangled sound in the back of my throat that originated from the lump there. He trailed kisses down between my breast before his lips captured my nipple again.

I gasped as his mouth closed around my nipple and I was so consumed by that feeling, I almost forgot about the feeling of him pulling out and then pushing back into me and how good that felt.

There was too much to feel and the only thing I could do was drag my nails down his back in response.

Then his hand reached down between us and his fingers began to tease at my clit. I cried out at his touch and his teeth tugged at my nipple.

There was too much happening.

The feeling of fullness inside in me was building. His fingers massaging my clit added to that sense of tension within me and as his lips moved from my nipple to my neck, I became utterly overwhelmed.

He never stopped his assault on me. His lips on my neck, his fingers on me and him moving within me. It was all too much and I moan came out of my mouth that was half strangled as I found myself coming to pieces.

I kept waiting for him to speed up, to ease the tension of things that were building inside of me, but he never did. Everything he did was so slow, as if he couldn’t get enough of my body and had to take his time with everything he did.

 But all of that made the tension with in me build. Every time I thought I was at my breaking point and could take no more, he would push into me as he rubbed at my clit or kissed my neck and I was lost.

Then the knots in my stomach clenched so painfully that I cried out and gripped his shoulders, digging my nails in once more as I felt the first waves of my orgasm hit.  

“Kit,” I gasped.

He raised his head from my neck and I felt him watching me but I couldn’t concentrate as I squeezed my eyes shut. As I did, he pushed into me, a little quicker than before and the pads of his fingers expertly rubbed me and I felt myself clench around him.

I gripped his shoulders and dragged my fingernails across his skin as my entire body tensed and clenched as pleasure ripped through me, starting from my groin and edging out through my entire body.

I’d barely stopped clenching as my orgasm tore through me, my breath catching in my throat as Kit kept moving. It was at a more insistent pace this time. I felt my body become relaxed and limp as the last waves of pleasure ebbed away.

I captured Kit’s lips with my own, biting down on his bottom lip as he pushed into me. But he couldn’t focus on kissing me as his mouth dropped open.

I moved my lips to his neck, nipping and biting the flesh there which caused him to clench his jaw, his entire body stiffening as he did. He groaned, low in his throat as I saw him desperately fighting to remain in control.

I smiled against his throat as I began to meet his thrust. I could feel the knots in my stomach clenching again.

It didn’t seem right that he was so in control when I was so out of control. I wanted to see him loose control too. So I began to assault his neck the way he had assaulted mine.

He’d spent so long making sure that I was getting enough pleasure that I wondered how he had been holding himself together. Now it seemed he was coming undone and it was right before my eyes. I spread my legs slightly, welcoming more of him and he began to groan with each thrust he made, his eyes closed as his teeth clenched.

I felt the knots in my stomach clench as the tickling sensation began to build and before I knew it, I could feel another orgasm bubbling to the surface.

“God Agnes,” he moaned loudly and I saw a vein throb in his neck.

I leaned forward and nipped at that vein and felt myself clench again. Just as I did he stilled within me, crying out as he did.

We climaxed together, both of us tense and unmoving for a moment before he collapsed on top of me, his head resting against my chest.

I felt as if my body had been turned inside out as I lay there, painting, desperately trying to catch my breath. My heart was beating so loud and frantically I was sure Kit could hear it. My mouth felt dry from panting and my fingers felt numb I had been gripping him so tightly.

Even though we had done all of this before, it was different this time. We weren’t in a hurry like we had been on that night, the two of us were both drunk and fumbled our way through most of it. This was different, this was what our first time together should have been like, where the two of us could take our time with each other’s bodies, teasing pleasure out in one another.

Slowly my heart rate slowed and I began to draw lazy patterns on the back of his shoulder as I felt Kit’s rapid breath slow and he slowly raised his head to look at me. He captured my lips with his own and kissed me languidly.

He wrapped his arms around me as he rolled onto his side and pulled me to his chest as we lay facing one another. He pulled back to look at me and smiled, still seeming a little breathless, “Agnes, that was…” he didn’t seem able to finish and I simply smiled in response.

I reached out and traced my finger along the edge of his facial hair and cheek, feeling the strange sensation of his rough hair as well as his smooth skin. He stared at me intently, his brown eyes watching me carefully, waiting for something. I wasn’t sure what.

“I needed that.” I told him as I let fingers trace along his jaw line.

I wasn’t sure I could make him understand, but I needed to feel pleasure in that moment. I’d been denying myself my own happiness for so long, now that I had gone out and gotten a little piece of it back, I needed to feel that. I needed to feel all of him and how that made me feel.

Pulling me to his chest, the two of us lay there for a while, he started to play with my fingers as I thought about all the things I had been denying myself and how I wasn’t going to do that anymore.

“I love your nails.” He told me suddenly, as he pulled out joined hands to his mouth to kiss my fingers.

“Why?” I asked, it was such an odd statement.

“Because every time I see them, I think about our first night together and how good it felt when you scratched my back. I had the scars for at least a week afterwards.” He told me.

“I think I probably gave you a few more.” I said as I made mental note; Kit like to be scratched. Given his name that somehow made sense I supposed. 

He shook his head and kissed my fingertips again, “I can’t tell you how many times I thought about these nails…” he murmured.

I stared at my nails now, trying to see them with his eyes. I always kept them filed and painted black. They were not perfectly manicured like most of the girls at work, but they were tidy enough. I’d always wanted to get a manicure, but I’d filed that away into the ‘things I would have to do without’ in order to afford my father’s drinking habit as well as pay all the bills and buy food…

I very rarely treated myself to anything as luxurious as a manicure. New clothes maybe, if they were on sale, but never a manicure…

“I have something for you.” Said Kit suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Do you?” I asked, surprised.

He nodded as a mischievous look came into his eye. Leaning over he opened the bedside table and pulled something out from the draw, before he leaned back over and presented it to me.

Frowning, I grabbed the piece of material from him. It was a pair of underwear. A familiar pair of underwear…

“Is this my underwear?” I demanded in shock.

He simply grinned in response.

I smacked his shoulder, “You kept them this whole time?” I asked, amusement colouring my voice as I proceeded to clobber him. What kind of a guy kept a girl’s underwear like some sort of souvenir? It was funny though, I had to admit.

“Ow.” He complained, though I could tell I wasn’t really hurting him as we wrestled for a moment and I threw my legs over him as I straddled his waist.

“I bet you keep souvenirs from all your lovers I teased as I looked down at him, still smiling smugly against the pillows.

“No. Just you.” He said simply.

I don’t know why, but for some reason, I found that kind of sweet. In a weird way. I knew Kit had probably slept with dozens, if not hundreds, of girls. Yet it was my underwear he’d kept.

Smiling, I leaned down to kiss him, stopping just short of his lips as my red hair fell around us like a curtain, blocking out the rest of the world.

Just as he leaned up to press his lips to mine, I leaned away, keeping myself just out of reach, smiling in amusement. The game continued like that until Kit was sitting upright, smiling as he ran his hands up my bare back, clutching me closer so I could not get away.

It was a strange feeling, being taller than him as I sat in his lap and I used my new found position to stare down at him lovingly. His eyes looked different from above, lighter and not as dark, though that could have just been because he wasn’t looking like his normal broody self.

Running my fingers through his hair, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his in a chaste and playful kiss that he quickly deepened as his hands slid down my back to grasp my hips, pulling me so that I straddled him a little more firmly.

I was just beginning to feel a series of knots clench in my stomach as his tongue met mine when suddenly my phone started ringing, the signature tone of Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ song played, indicating that James was calling.

Sighing I pulled away, the intimate moment between us broken, “That’s James.” I told him.

“Uh huh.” He said uncaringly as his lips went to my neck.

“He’s probably wondering where I am.” I said, thinking out loud.

“So let him wonder.” Kit murmured against my skin before he nipped the sensitive flesh between my shoulder and neck. 

I could let it go to voice mail, but the song was annoying and it was stopping me from fully concentrating on the feel of Kit’s lips on my neck, “If I don’t answer he’ll keep calling.” I said pointedly.

He sighed deeply as he pulled back to look at me, pouting unhappily.

I smiled apologetically as I climbed out of his lap and went to the end of the bed. Hanging off the corner of the bed, I reached down and found my pants and fished my phone out of my pocket. Pressing it to my ear, I answered, “Hello?”

“There you are!” said James, sounding exasperated, “Where are you? I’ve left you like seven messages.”

“Sorry I was, ah, occupied.” I said as Kit grabbed at my foot teasingly and began to tickle me.

“I’ll say. Since when do you not hear your phone ring?” demanded James.

I opened my mouth to reply but Kit suddenly grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me back onto the bed. I let loose a startled yelp as I turned to face him and he climbed on top of me.

“What are you doing right now?” asked James, sounding confused.

“Ah,” I said, momentarily lost for words as Kit began to trail kisses down between the valley of my breast.

“Never mind. When are you coming home?” he demanded.

“Ah...” I said as Kit’s lips on my skin became far too distracting for me to concentrate on my phone call to James, “Tomorrow.”

Kit looked up from kissing me and shook his head.

“A few days?” I guessed, how long did he want me to stay?

He shook his head again and pinched my nipple between his fingers and I bit my lip to keep from crying out as pleasure and pain shot through me.

“A week.” I cried out, hoping that would be enough to satisfy him.

It wasn’t as he shook his head and pinched my nipple harder.

“Ow!” I complained, “God just tell me when?” I demanded, completely forgetting my phone call with James as I turned to look at Kit, how long did he want me to stay? Surely after a few days he would be sick of me.

He simply grinned before he leaned down and closed his lips around my throbbing nipples and I arched my back off the bed as the pain turned into pleasure.

“Nes, what are you doing?” James asked, sounding suspicious.

“James, I really can’t talk right now.” I said, my voice coming out strangled as Kit’s hand trailed down my body and he began to tease his fingers around my clit.

“Are you with Kit?” he asked.

Before I could respond he slipped a finger inside me and I cried out.

“Hang up the phone.” He muttered darkly.

I didn’t need to be told twice as I pressed the ‘end call’ button and let my phone fall to the floor. I had just enough time to gasp in pleasure and clutch at the sheets beneath me before Kit’s mouth closed around mine.

I tried to focus on kissing him but as he pushed his fingers inside me, my mouth fell open and I moaned loudly.

I could feel Kit smiling against my mouth as he worked his fingers in me. I couldn’t let him have the upper hand for long, so I gripped his shoulder, digging my nails in before I pushed him onto his back beneath me.

Straddling him once more I placed my hands on his stomach to balance myself, “You’re in trouble.” I declared.

“Am I?” he asked, sounding smug.

“I was on the phone. That wasn’t fair.” I told him.

“I never said I would fight fair.” He said simply.

Well, then, neither would I.

Leaning down, I captured his lips with my own. As I did, I let my fingers slowly spread out as I traced the length of him with the tips of my fingers, feeling the warm, smooth but strangely hard flesh before I wrapped my fingers around him.

I slid my hand back down, far enough that I gripped just the tip of him between my thumb and forefinger before I gave a gentle squeeze and slowly slid my hand back up.

He seemed to like that as his breath caught in his throat and he pulled away from kissing me, his jaw taunt as he seemed to wince. It was almost like he was in pain before I slid my hand back down and reached the base of him once more he let out a groan that could only be from pleasure.

I could feel his body had gone taunt beneath mine and his hands gripped the sheets beneath us in such a fierce grip that his knuckles had turned white.

“Do you like that?” I asked, even though I knew he did. I wanted to bring him close to the edge of pleasure, teasing him with my hands like he had done to me.

He seemed unable to talk as he looked up at the ceiling, his jaw taunt. He gave a short, sharp nod, so I did it again. I moved my hand down his length nearly the whole way until I barely gripped him before I moved back up again, a low guttural moan sounded in the back of his throat and it was almost as if he had made the sound involuntarily, as if he couldn’t help himself.

Feeling encouraged I moved my hand down to the tip of him in a slow, torturous movement, before moving it back up to the base quickly. I did it three times before I heard him moan, “Oh god.”

I smiled against his neck before I moved to capture his mouth with my own once more. He kissed me hotly, but his jaw was taunt.

I ran my thumb over the tip of him, feeling a wetness glide over my fingers as I did. I knew he was close, so I loosened my hold on him until my fingers barely brushed him.

He opened his eyes slowly, as if coming out of a daze before his dark eyes zoned in on me and he reached up, wrapping his fingers in my hair he pulled me down to kiss him hotly.

“Agnes,” he moaned into my mouth.

Using the wetness that coated my fingers, I slid up to the base, the down to the tip in one smooth movement that made him bite down on my lip harshly. I pulled back to see him wince, his teeth grinding together with his jaw taunt.

“I need to be inside you. Right now.” He all but moaned.

I liked the look on his face, it was twisted in a way that was almost so pleasurable that it was painful. I wanted to watch his reaction to the different things I did, so I slid my hand down in a slow movement before I brushed my thumb over the tip of him again, that made him wince and suck in a ragged breath through his teeth.

“Are you sure?” I teased.

I moved my hand up slowly and he let loose a low and guttural moan, so I quickened my speed in which I moved from the tip to the base and his features softened slightly and he let lose a long breath as if he was getting some sort of relief.

“Yes, Agnes, yes.” He all but pleaded in a breathless moan.

I knew then that I had him right where I wanted him. Shifting my position as I straddled him, his hands went to my hips as I slowly guided him in.

He didn’t open his eyes; they were still squeezed shut as he shook his head as if he was desperately trying to remain in control. But I didn’t want that, I wanted to see him come undone and lose control, so I began to move.

Slow and torturous, I rocked myself against him and I watched as his jaw went taunt and he grimaced again. I felt a series of knots clench in my stomach and I was turned on by seeing how much pleasure he was getting from my touch.

He gripped my hips and tried to move me faster, but I kept at my slow pace that his head thrown back in frustration, he was so impatient for more.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he sat up and captured my mouth with his as he kissed me hotly, almost as if he couldn’t contain himself. I began to move a little faster now as I felt my own orgasm build.  

“Agnes,” he moaned against my lips and I liked the way he said my name.

A sound escaped me from the back of my throat as I felt his tongue massage against mine as he gripped my hips so tightly, I felt as if he was going to rip the flesh right from my body. I could feel my orgasm building.   

He suddenly broke away, resting his forehead against my chin he looked down, his mouth slightly agape as he tried to catch his breath, “Oh god.” He said, his voice not sounding like his own, instead coming out in a low and guttural sound.

I let him guide my rhythm as he moved my hips back and forth, feeling myself clench around him, I gripped his shoulders tightly and dug my nails in as the first waves of my orgasm hit.

A moment later he bit down on his lip and scrunched his eyes shut and I felt him climax with me before he released a long and drawn out breath, falling backwards as he did, taking me with him.

I laid down on top of him, absolutely spent, listening to his heart race as he lay panting beneath me.

Once I caught my own breath I made to move off him, sure that I must be crushing him with my weight but he wrapped his arms around me and held me in place, refusing to let me go far, “Oh no, I’m not done with you yet.” He warned.

I grinned against him as I rested my chin on the valley between his pectoral muscles, “You can’t want me again already.” I said pointedly. Though I still found it hard to believe, I liked that he wanted me so much.

“I can.” He said simply, before he rolled us so quickly that I let out a startled yelp and he was on top of me once more, “And I will.” He finished before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a slow, languid kiss that made my head spin.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Lovelies, another Kit Harington story. Yay! This was inspired by the music video for 'Deserve Better' by Meghan Trainor. To find out more about the story and see all the little extras that go with it, check out my tumblr: http://teaenthusiast65.tumblr.com/


End file.
